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fatty fatty 2×4

There seems to be some kind of club, wherein you’ve ever had a weight problem and lost weight, you are then allowed to be a total jackass to fat people. The same club also allows people who have never been fat, but also like to be jackasses to people who are.

Let’s talk about that for a sec, that word, fat. Fat. It’s like the most heart-wrenching thing someone can call you, when your whole life has been a struggle with weight. Call me an asshole? No big deal, water off of a duck’s back. I like my heart, I like my soul, I am a damned good friend. I will love you far after you’ve stopped loving yourself. I will carry you, on my back until  you can walk. So, I know I’m not an asshole.

But, fat? Yeah, that one hits close to home.

So, yeah. I’m fat. This has caused me more heartache and more protection and more drama over the years than any of the other history I’ve shared here. It has given me a wall, which as made me all but invisible, and at times a size that has made me anything but invisible. Some truly hideous names and accusations have been leveled at me, because of my pant size. I’m gross, I’m lazy, I’m stupid, I’m worthless.

I’ve been passed over, looked over, talked over. Ignored, berated, made fun of. What’s that thing we are all talking about, lately? Bullying? Yeah, ain’t just for kids, anymore. It has made me cry, left me breathless more times than I can count. But you know? The more I hear, the deeper this little seed grows into something blooming, something grand.

I am pissed.

I own my fat. No one made me fat, but me. I have my reasons, nothing to do with really liking cake or never unassing the couch. Although I do like cake and my couch is comfortable. I padded on my pounds to protect me from a world that was too harsh for me, at too young an age.  It was done on purpose, by design. It was all me.

But guess what?

I am fat, but I am not gross. I am fat, but I am beautiful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am fat, but I am not stupid. I am fat, but I can write the shit out of anything you put in front of me. I can make you feel at home and I can power through 8 massages a day.

I am fat, but I am fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I do not slog around, miserable and bumbling. I do not ride the motorized carts and ask for wheelchairs. I take the stairs. I drink my tea with nothing in it. I don’t keep a spare turkey leg in my purse. I could though, my purse is big enough, but oddly no one calls my purse fat.

I am fat, but I am sexy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can move. I do move. Bite me if you don’t think I can charm the pants clean off of you. Because, I’m fat, but I can.

I am fat, but I am loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am fat, but I don’t deserve your derision. I am fat, but I don’t deserve your hushed whispers, your rude stares or your judgment. I am fat but I deserve respect. Not because I am fat, but because I am human.

So, next time you feel compelled to comment on the status of my ass, be prepared for me to be my beautiful, funny, talented, sexy nurturing self. Because, I’m fat but I’m not an asshole. That’s you.

75 Responses to “fatty fatty 2×4”

  1. Laurie Says:

    “This has caused me more heartache and more protection and more drama over the years than any of the other history I’ve shared here.”

    Isn’t that so crazy and so intractably true?

    Because hey, me too! I love you so much much more than anyone I’ve never met. Damn.

  2. SQT Says:

    I don’t know what other people are seeing… You just don’t look fat to me. And you are one purty lady.

  3. Allyson/HBMomof2 Says:

    A- Freakin’ – men. I am on the receiving end of so much jackassery, because I am fat and it’s pretty tiresome. But unlike you, I’m kind of an asshole and will sometimes say something right back and only because hating fat people is the one last acceptable form of discrimination and that sucks.

  4. Dana Says:

    Bravo! Bravo! Sing it sister! MUAH! Much Love!

  5. Jennifer Says:

    Yes, to every single word.

  6. christine Says:

    i freakin’ love you. xoxo

  7. De Says:

    I need that Opus for my house. He’s almost as awesome as you.

  8. JennaS Says:

    I have met you, and fat is not a word I would have ever associated with you. You are warm and bright, welcoming and funny, beautiful. I admire a lot of writers, but have never admired how easy it seems to be, for some, to judge. I think it’s gross, and likely an attempt to mask their own shortcomings. You Are beautiful. Know that.

  9. Mahala Says:

    Beautifully said. By a beautiful person.

  10. Suebob Says:

    Right you are, on every point.

  11. Stimey Says:

    CHEERING!!!! Yes. Thank you. Perfect.

    And, yes, you are gorgeous. And you are awesome and kind. And I adore you.

    Also, you and Opus is the best photo ever. I love me some Opus.

  12. TJ Says:

    This? Yeah. This is awesome, powerful, great, beautiful, and all around KICK FUCKING ASS.

  13. Debthesister Says:

    Woo hoo! Preach it on Sister Mine! you forgot to say “and my fat ass can kick your skinny ass up and down the block! you know why? because my fat ass is also a STREET FIGHTIN’ BAD ASS!”

  14. Grant Says:

    I love the thin people who are such experts on fitness. “All they have to do is eat a little less,” they complain. And then they order a second beer to wash down their chili cheese fries. But they must know everything about fitness because they are thin. I’d find them a lot less insufferable if they would just express some appreciation for what they have instead of derision for the problems of others.

  15. Indigo Says:

    I thought you were beautiful way before I even knew what you looked like. A picture just gives me the outer layer to the gorgeous inside. You’re beautiful inside and out.

    I’ve always thought that those who mock and point fingers are in fact the insecure, crippled ones. I’ve dealt with this kind of behavior with my deafness: the hand jerked back by a cashier giving me change as if I were contagious, the waitress upon learning I was deaf treating me like I was invisible/ a child while she asked whomever I was with what I wanted. The list goes on. Me? I smile through it all, because I know my measure, my worth in this life. I actually feel sorry for them. They miss out on knowing who I am.

    Those crass finger pointers missed out on you dear friend. I’d love the opportunity they had to see you in person, to sit down with you and pick the brain of such an amazing woman. (Hugs)Indigo

  16. Jess Says:

    You are beautiful.

  17. Blog Antagonist Says:

    I hate the stigma that surrounds having a weight problem. There are all kinds of reasons that people become overweight and unhealthy and they have absolutely nothing to do with being lazy or stupid or worthless. Having been there, I know. And having a son who self medicates with food, because he feels worthless and defeated and like he doesn’t fit in anywhere, I know that it can’t always be fixed with a diet. You ARE beautiful. And smart. And friggin talented as hell. Fuck anybody who can’t see that.

  18. Holmes Says:

    Fantastic.

  19. Abby Says:

    Love it.
    It might sound weird, but I have often written about discrimination and judgment the other way. Because I’m thin, people make assumptions and comments that are down-right rude. But because it’s toward someone skinny, they think it’s okay. I’m not hypersensitive, but it’s an annoying double standard.

    Whether I’m 90 lbs or 190 lbs, I’m still the same smart, sexy woman that can “write the shit out of anything” and make you feel comfortable being you no matter who or what you are. In other words, if you’re an asshole, I’ll tell you–no matter what you look like.

  20. Princess Says:

    Great post. If you were I’d still think you were gorgeous, but I don’t think you are fat. People are such dicks. I come from a family of obese people, and as a kid I would go bananas when I heard those comments about my dad and older brother. Now that I’m older and my weight is kind of getting up there, it has really surprised me the audacity of some people. I act as though it doesn’t bother me, and typically retort with something evil and biting, but then I go home and cry. It makes me defensive when anyone even watches me eat. I take over this, “Eff you, I’m eating ice cream. WHAT?” attitude. I don’t consider myself fat, but apparently public opinion disagrees.

    I get all kinds of advise from skinny 22 year olds and even from my husband who has the metabolism of a 4 year old boy. “You should do more squats with heavier weights.” Well you should kiss my ass and fold some laundry. :) Even when I was skinny, it would have never occurred to me to make those judgments, much less say them aloud or offer unwarranted advise.

  21. Jenny Grace Says:

    You are fabulous.

  22. magpie Says:

    lovedy love love.

    i’m fat too. but i don’t think of myself that way. until i look in a mirror or try to buy clothes. but mostly? i’m just me.

  23. TwoBusy Says:

    All I know is: you’ve seemed every kind of awesome from the first moment I encountered you. And what I see in those pics? Doesn’t tell me a damned thing different.

  24. Jaded Says:

    It seems rather ridiculous that some people can trust solely their eyes to make judgements about another’s character, and character has so little to do with surface.

  25. Sybil Law Says:

    You are fucking fabulous. Period.

  26. sharon Says:

    I think one of the toughest struggles in life is to recognize the strength and beauty in ourselves, when we live in a world with insensitive, thoughtless and cruel people. You’re beautiful inside and out!

  27. Natalie Says:

    This is really good Christine. Am glad you wrote it. Love ya!

  28. Amanda Says:

    Way to f*cking roar.

    When I finally got to see you in person I won’t deny how big you were to me—your eyes were brighter, your hair shinier, your smile brighter and your laugh magnificently stronger than I ever imagined. The twinkle of naughty mixed with honest, real and irreverent. I looked up to you from the minute I saw you.

  29. Irish Gumbo Says:

    “…but I am beautiful.”
    “…but I am sexy.”
    “…but I am loved.”

    KABOOM!

    Hells to the yeah, you are!

    That post made me want to jump out the window and go to war, kinda like Kenneth Branagh doing Henry V speeches in the movie.

  30. Slow Panic Says:

    you are absolutely beautiful. i heart you.

    the assholes of the world? not so much.

  31. Major Bedhead Says:

    You are gorgeous. Everything about you is gorgeous, from your widow’s peak to your toes. Also? Not fat. Just gorgeous.

  32. Dee Says:

    Yes I agree with everything that you have said. I have alot of friends who are fat and I treat them no different. Does it really matter if you are fat? No all that matters is how you treat people.

  33. Chibi Jeebs Says:

    *standing ovation*

    Lady, if I didn’t love the stuffing out of you already, this would have sealed the deal. You’re beautiful inside AND out.

    xoxo

  34. Kacey Says:

    You’re awesome, that is all.

  35. Peter Mayhew Says:

    Great post. There’s nothing sexier than confidence. It starts with being comfortable in your own skin.

    There’s also nothing shittier than someone who derives joy in destroying that confidence.

    The sad thing is generally, those comments are driven by insecurities.

    Remember when Queen Latifah was heavier? She still had that confidence, which made her sexy.

  36. TigereyeSal Says:

    So true. Thanks for this!

  37. Amy Says:

    You are radiant, and you are, indeed, loved. By so, so many. And by me. Fantastic.

  38. deb Says:

    I hate to break it to you Christine, but you look pretty average to me, except you are rather beautiful. Fat, I don’t think so.

  39. Pgoodness Says:

    Love you. You’re gorgeous and amazing and if there is someone out there that doesn’t see that, send em to me and I’ll get them some new glasses! ;)

  40. Jess Says:

    You are my hero. This is the best thing I’ve ever read in my life. I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life, and not a day goes by when I am not somehow reminded of my weight by another person. Who is anyone to judge anyone else? Oh, and I don’t know you, but if I passed you on the street, I would never in a million years consider you fat. You are amazing.

  41. schmutzie Says:

    I just wanted to let you know that this weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday! http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2011/3/25/five-star-fridays-142nd-edition-is-brought-to-you-by-seth-go.html

  42. Sarah Says:

    Me too.

    Me too.

    You kick ass.

  43. Al_Pal Says:

    Fabulous post! I see a few names I recognize in comments, who may’ve led me here via twitter: Chibi Jeebs and Jenny Grace, to name two.

    Yeah, you’re gorgeous…and you look average sized to me! But then I’m average sized and have been a victim of fat discrimination, too. ;p
    Cheers.

  44. Because I Said So: Ten | Snuggle Wasteland Says:

    [...] flutter: fatty fatty 2 x4 [...]

  45. slouchy Says:

    oh, my, i love this.

    i may print it and tape it to my fat self.

    and i love you, for all the right and abundant reasons.

  46. hele Says:

    you own a piece of my heart sexy lady.

  47. Suebob Says:

    You’re over at Five Star Friday
    http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2011/3/25/five-star-fridays-142nd-edition-is-brought-to-you-by-seth-go.html

  48. Alexis AKA MOM Says:

    You’re fabulous and I love you posted this! My step mom has been riding me hard about my weight and even has got my oldest to make comments. It is so hurtful and un-needed.

    I agree with others your far from fat my dear, I also know that people around us and even ourselves that can bring this image to us.

    Stopping by from Wasteland :)

  49. Annie @astonesthrowfrominsanity Says:

    I just met you, and I already love you and your f*** ‘em attitude.

    You are beautiful!

    You are right!

    You rock!!:)

    Stopping by from the Wasteland . . .

  50. Missing Matilda Says:

    Awesome post. I like you. I’m not a skinny minny either. And I love myself. And I love my life.

  51. Missing Matilda Says:

    PS: I came to you via Neil.

  52. TheChambrayCountess Says:

    I am pretty sure that if someone says horrible things to a stranger it is because that person’s life is such a horrific mess that they lash out at anyone they can in any way they can in revenge/to feel better.
    I know it still hurts when people say things, (a lady just said THE RUDEST thing to me a few weeks ago and although I consider myself to be well-adjusted, honestly, the little barb still stings when I think about it), but just remember that you are beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, talented and loved and the rude person is not. They are dog poop on the bottom of a shoe and it is sad they don’t have any self-esteem….unlike you! You rock and never forget it!!

  53. alexa - cleveland's a plum Says:

    was this a tough post for you to write? or did it make it easier once you just got it all off your chest.

    i’m a solid 12/14 and yes, that is “fat” sadly but i feel exactly how you do.

    i am awesome, loved and pretty damn beautiful too.

    go girl.

  54. Suzanne Says:

    I can relate to every word here as someone who has been fat, thin, and then fat again. I hate the roller-coaster and worse, I hate that I like myself better when I’m thin….sometimes I am my own worst critic.

  55. anymommy Says:

    Hell yes. My favorite line is “but I can write the shit out of anything you put in front of me.” Solid gold truth. I’ve loved your heart, soul, voice and self since I first started reading here.

  56. nic @mybottlesup Says:

    fuck yes! this is so powerful and moving.

  57. Kyla Says:

    You are EVERY kind of beautiful, friend.

  58. PsychMamma Says:

    I love you and I’ve never met you. This post really spoke to my heart and it was fabulously, wonderfully written. I’ve struggled with both self esteem and my weight, and my heart heard your heart in this post. I’m working my way toward loving myself & feeling confident, and our culture’s focus on fat/thin & external beauty makes me want to scream:

    We are not defined by our size!! Or by ANYTHING you see on the outside!

    And I desperately want my 5yo daughter to understand that and the message you posted here. Thank you so much for sharing!

    You are beautiful. Namaste.

  59. Audrey Says:

    Thank you for this. Thank you.

  60. Yo is Me Says:

    nice ass.

  61. Bejewell Says:

    Did some asshole call you fat?? Lemme at ‘em. I can cut a bitch.

  62. lu Says:

    Damn straight you are beautiful, sexy, and amazing.

    I suppose we humans will never escape our obsession with appearance. The most ancient myths refer to this obsession and never as an admirable trait, but as an illness or a dangerous fault. Art History shows us how or ideas of beauty change with the winds of time and trends.

    As one who battles anorexia, people have made hurtful comments about what I eat, what I don’t eat, how I look… These people don’t realize that they are hurting me, maybe because society is hung up on thin. Once while sitting in a restaurant with a large group of colleagues a woman actually threw food from across the table onto my plate and taunted me to eat. Sometimes I tell them how it makes me feel, when I do this without anger, with a simple statement like, “you know that really hurts my feelings, and I’m certain you have something about yourself that you feel self-conscious about, and I hope you that no one feels compelled to make you feel badly about your soft spot.” Sometimes I want to counter with a nasty comment about something in their appearance, but that leaves me feeling bitter and justifies their cruelty.
    More often I pretend I didn’t hear it.

    In the end, I guess we just need to embrace who we are, and carry ourselves as such. People who are mean, or need more control of their own lives will often behave like asses.
    We need to see them for what they are and ourselves for what we are.

    And Baby, we are extraordinarily beautiful through and through.

  63. vodkamom Says:

    I can’t add anything that anyone else hasn’t said.

    I love your strength and your VOICE and your incredible beauty. Fat? What the @(*#&# are you talking about?

  64. Jocelyn Says:

    I never have the right BIGNESSES of words to tell you how much I appreciate every damn thing you type. Here I am, these months, years, decades, locked in the same completely-meaningless battle–spending more time on self-loathing and bodily hatred than on riding around in my beautiful, shiny red wagon. What a waste.

    The rub for me, and which you note beautifully, is the idea that character can be measured by body size…and that smaller body equals better character. Like, do we really want Anna Wintour to give us a massage?

  65. blues Says:

    You are unbelieveably beautiful. I have lots of evidence, but you already know it so I won’t be redundant.

  66. Painted Maypole Says:

    love this. love you.

  67. Michael Says:

    A to the freaking Men.

    Thou art the Hawtness.

  68. Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo Says:

    When I was ill I put on a shite load of weight.

    Then last year a new phenomenon… stress caused me to stop eating (I know! So not like me) and I lost that shite load.

    And people are nicer to me now. And that is fucked up because I was NICER when I was bigger.

  69. Kaycee @ This Time I Mean It Says:

    How strange that I stumbled upon your blog for the first time today, after the post I wrote today. Seriously, I have goosebumps. Thank you, thank you, thank you…for an amazing perspective. You’ve just earned yourself a new reader. :)

  70. yogurt Says:

    Bravo! Standing Ovation. “I deserve respect.” That is the line we all need to say to ourselves many times per day. Wonderful piece of writing.

  71. Sunny Says:

    You look beautiful! So not fat! I hear you with this one though. Its a great post..very well stated.

  72. Suzanne Says:

    Well said and I agree with the others, you look fabulous as you are!
    I find it really interesting from my own experience. I didn’t get any discrimination when I was fat – it’s all been since I lost weight. I am now a size 10 and I have had so many negative comments – all from bigger people. I have received dirty looks at the supermarket and I get comments about what I am or aren’t eating. So be aware everyone that it goes both ways and hurts just as much.

  73. Meredith Says:

    OK, this might sound a little harsh, but…get over yourself. You are totally not fat. Fat? I don’t think so. I say this not as a fat person myself, but not a skinny one either. You’re gorgeous and not fat.

    You’ve never heard a comment from me before and you might never again. But I had to jump in today, not to give you compliments but to flip the bird to a society that considers anything over a size 4 “fat.” I’m sick of it.

    Quit calling yourself fat, cuz you ain’t. On top of that you ARE all the wonderful things you said about yourself. Rock on, girlie!

  74. Dawn Says:

    I want to make out with you and your ba-BAM ass right now.

  75. The New Girl Says:

    Oh, my heart.

    Awesome.

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