«
»

Reasons to eat before racquetball

1) because you’ve got the sugabetes

2) because when you take your sugabetes meds on an empty stomach, you fart.

3) farting in an enclosed space is impolite

4) denying a loud butt trumpet is hard to do when you are dizzy

5) low blood sugar makes you dizzy

6) dizziness makes you hit yourself in the head with the racquet

7) hitting yourself in the head with the racquet makes you dizzy (sensing a theme?)

8 ) all of these things must be politely ignored by your racquetball partner

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008 at 10:26 pm and is filed under fat girl diaries, flutter guffaws, life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

39 Responses to “Reasons to eat before racquetball”

  1. CamiKaos Says:
    January 29th, 2008 at 10:50 pm

    yes… you should eat first because the passing out that could occur in there would not be so easily ignored.

  2. Casdok Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 3:29 am

    Sound like good reasons to me!!

  3. R.E.H. Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 3:54 am

    Either you had an embarrassing day at the racquet ball court, or you took your own advice in andvance and had a great time.

    I’ll keep this in mind ;)

    Thanks for visiting

  4. Beck Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 5:32 am

    Farting in an enclosed space is embarrasing and rude but also deeply, deeply funny.

  5. cce Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 5:58 am

    I’m always torn about the eating before or after racket sports dilemma. The sugabetes-thang definitely helps define the rules. No gas, no swooning, no self immolation with hard racket. Sounds like a good strategy. Did you win?

  6. Gwen Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 6:23 am

    Sounds delightful! If only I played racquetball; you would be an awesome opponent.

  7. sophanne Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 6:40 am

    BUTT TRUMPET!!!! My husband is a musician after all!

  8. Kyla Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 6:43 am

    Flutter, you make me smile.

  9. maggie Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 6:46 am

    If you didn’t fart so much, we wouldn’t laugh so much. So really, if you were thinking of your fellow man you would play as much racquetball as possible and blog accordingly….

  10. not liv Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 6:47 am

    now, see, that’s the sugabetes actin’ up. i mean, because if not liv ate or drank something, say, espresso based before yoga, she would crap her pants in class. and nothing says professional or sexy like waddling to the bathroom while 9 people are held in one pose for 5 minutes while you “work it out.”

    here’s hoping that your partner was your man friend and not the new friend who is relying on you for your on court professionalism….bwahahaha!!

  11. painted maypole Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 7:53 am

    tee hee

    (add this to the excuses of why I don’t play raquetball)

  12. Jennifer Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 8:32 am

    Guess you can’t bring a dog into the court and blame in on him. Damn.

  13. chanda(aka bea) Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 9:09 am

    Butt trumpet!!! Girlfriend you crack me up!

  14. Jen M Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 9:10 am

    sugabetes – I love it. Passing that term on to my dad who also has it.

  15. Slow Panic Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 9:32 am

    i knew there was a reason i didn’t take up racquet ball — or any other exercise type program.

  16. we_be_toys Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 9:46 am

    It’s a vicious cycle! See, now I like to think of the fart as a secret weapon.

    1) It gives you little extra jet propulsion, to get you across the court.

    2) It can throw your partner off, if you let one crack right as they serve, and then their concentration is shot, wondering when the next sonic boom is going to hit.

    I’m all for it girl – let ‘er rip!
    (hope you had a good game!)

  17. Carrie Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 10:02 am

    Oh noooooo.

    Just make sure not to include any super-sied B-vitamins with your sugabetes medicine, because those make you BURP something wretched. Trust me.

  18. Velma Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 10:20 am

    Oh, for God’s sake. Now I’m gonna have this stuck in my head all day, and when someone asks me why I’m giggling to myself, I gotta try to explain it?!?!?

  19. Julie Pippert Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 10:46 am

    Babe you gave me a giggle.

  20. qt Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 11:00 am

    oh man…yeah, the butt trumpet is hard to hide when it is just you and one other soul in the room

  21. canarygirl Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 11:29 am

    Just pretend you’re doing the pre-game butt trumpet salute! *With* aromatherapy. lmao :)

  22. Angela Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    You know, all of these things could be considered diversion and leveraged in an attempt to outfox your opponent. You might consider it.

  23. Sugarplumsmom Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    HAHA! I’m totally thinking of the scene with John Candy in Splash.. only it was the ball that hit him in the head… and I don’t think he farted but who knows?

  24. motherofbun Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    When did you move? Guess I’m always clicking on your link. But today I went through my blogroll and have no idea what I found. (Something with scrapbooking.) Was paniced. Where’s My Flutter?!?

    Whew. Found you. Need to update your link, yes?

    Oh and PLEASE eat before raquetball. That dizzyness and stuff doesn’t sound fun. Although you made me laugh out loud with the butt trumpet stuff.

  25. meno Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 2:23 pm

    I haver learned to eat, just a LITTLE, before i play squash, or i get dizzy. The farting, i just slam the ball against the wall really hard to mask the noise.

  26. emily Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    Butt Trumpet!!! HAHAHAhAhA

  27. Blog Antagonist Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    Oh my. I hope your opponent was someone who is a close friend or companion. What’s a little gas between friends?

  28. ewe_are_here Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    If your raquetball partner blogs, I wonder what he would write after your match… heh heh

  29. sadira Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    See? This is precisely why I do NOT play racquetball…

  30. Maggie Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    Hey, quit tootin’ around!

    This is off topic (unless the farts came from maybe eating some chicken fingers) but I saw your comment over at Slow Panic and I so want your recipe. :)

  31. Lisa Milton Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 6:53 pm

    Ok, Mrs. Tootie. Eat, for heaven’s sake. You worry me.

  32. deb Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 7:35 pm

    I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time typing, snort.

  33. christine Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    dude–eat something next time girlie.

    but no beans. :-0

  34. Starred Items IV « A Natural Deficiency Of Moral Fiber Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 8:18 pm

    [...] Reasons To Eat Before Racquetball [...]

  35. the mama bird diaries Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    I never realized just how much could go wrong with a little racquetball. And I was always just worried about getting hit with the ball.

  36. fidget Says:
    January 30th, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    you forgot how LOUD a fart echos in a racquetball court!

  37. Rose Daughter Says:
    January 31st, 2008 at 9:29 am

    rolfl, butt trumpet!!!

  38. Arkie Mama Says:
    January 31st, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    OK, now I’m dying of curiosity — who was the partner?

  39. ms chica Says:
    January 31st, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    This is like the pre-air travel ultimatum:

    Thou shall not consume Mexican food within twenty-four hours of a scheduled flight.

Leave a Reply