I need to get some sleep, seriously.
I am speaking at Blogher ’08 and clearly it is fucking with me. I am dreaming of the conference. Well, not the conference per se…
So this dream I had last night the colors were VIVID and it seemed like it lasted for 8 hours. Dreams only last 5 seconds on average..did you know that? Anyway, so she was there and was like, 6 feet tall and wearing all brown…total glamazon. She told everyone who came within a foot of me to talk to me quietly, that I was very fragile.
She was there, and was dressed in a teatowel and louis vuitton heels. She had champagne in her hand, and a hiking pack on her back. She was there, with a cut out of bill clinton stuck to the front of her face she was cutting a rug and would only speak to me in Spanish. She was there and would only say the words “Love is all around us” but, with varying inflections so we all TOTALLY knew what she was talking about.
She was there, dropped off a shopping basket full of children in front of me, then ran away, laughing. She was there, I asked her how to cure my elaphantitis of the ass and she told me I would need a shot of circus venom. She said she would give it to me if I taught Jolie how to knit because she was running out of clothes.
She was there, and for some reason smelled like cinnamon and sugar. I wanted to eat her. She was there and gave me sugar free cupcakes and was holding hands with her. She brought me cocktails in the bathroom, then told me to get my sorry ass on the dance floor because he was there.
Overthinking this conference a bit, flutter?
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:06 pm
oh, man! i didn’t make it into your dali-esque dream!
(pouting.)
what a riot!
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
liv isn’t that tall, but she is really glammy.
i’ll teach you to hand fart, it’s the perfect ice breaker
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:17 pm
so, er, no dogs were there then? see if i care! not even a lurcher? a small one? in the background? being stroked by one of these famous people?
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:23 pm
While I’m a little put out that I wasn’t there, I’m a bit relieved that I didn’t have to give you any circus venom.
That’s a hell of a lot of dream, lady. (I would have totally held hands with you, by the way. But I guess you’ll never know for sure.)
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Dude – you are going to have so much fun. SRSLY!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Oh my. Darlin’, that is some FUNNY stuff…. I thought I dream some weird sh*t.
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
When I’m stressed out I always dream that I am heading to write a university calculus final. And I haven’t been to class all semester. Also, I majored in Psychology, NOT math. What would Freud say?
Your dream sounds much more entertaining, from way here in not-going-to-Blogherville. I’m sure where you sit it’s a little less funny. But you’re going to be great. Rilly rilly great.
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
You are speaking? That takes real balls.
I’m the one who is 6 feet tall.
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
That was a crazy ass dream!
I wish I could hear you speak…
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Como? Que va?
Que es esto? Ah, cuidado, amigo, cuidado y dormir.
(that, aside from swear words is all i got)
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I don’t know about the rest of it but us drinking in the bathroom? That’s totally going to be happening. You’re like Nostradamus or something.
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
where the hell was i?!
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Whoa! I thought my dreams were exotic… Pretty cool stiff, Flutter girl!
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:18 pm
I meant to say, that is, “stuff”… Hmmmmm….
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Oh, Christine! Stow away those troubling thoughts! Repeat after me: “I’m a glamazon, too!”
There, now. Feel better? Good.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Shit, guess I’ll have to find a new vessel in which to dump my princess spawn at your sexily clad feet.
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:16 pm
If you and the Bloggess are gonna be drinkin’ in the bathroom, I’ll offer my services for late in the evening to hold your hair back over the toilet. (My hair is short, so I’ll manage.)
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
You will be fine AND divine.
Speaking of odd dreams, this is what I walked into at work today the minute I opened the door. The damn nosey, busy-body receptionist…
Receptionist: “Oh god, Wendy, Pam so wants you. She had a naked dream about you.”
Me: “What? Uh, hunh? Good morning.”
Pam: “Yeah, I dreamt you, me and Robin (office manager) got fired and we took off our clothes in protest, then immediately went out and opened a naked bingo parlor.”
Me: “Were we happy?”
Pam: “Yes.”
Me: “Were we successful?”
Pam: “Oh yeah, big time.”
Receptionist: “Hey, aren’t you gonna analyze her or somethin’?”
Me: “No, I think everything’s pretty obvious.”
GOT to set ‘em straight from the git, ya know?
As you will do come Blogher, pinky swear, uh, nake that “D” cup swear. (smile)
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Oh I see how it is, just because I can’t go to the conference I’m not in your dreams. Yeah that’s fine.
(Actually every time you mention that you are speaking at it, I wish all the more that I could afford the trip.)
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:46 pm
¿Cómo se dice en inglés, usted mecerá totalmente la caja de gato?
(Cause you will totally rock the cat box)
You and Jen!!! I missed the best year to attend.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:46 pm
it’s really weird when dreams seem to last a really long time.
I’m glad you put this down so you can compare notes afterward, for accuracy.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:55 pm
HA!
But the real best way to cure elephantitis of the ass is to drink in the bathroom with The Bloggess (and myself, of course).
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:49 pm
I so wish I could be there to hear you speak. You are going to rock the house.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I *think* I’m glad I missed that dream
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Damn, you are too funny.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I’m hoping this will be a recurring dream simply because I want to hear what happens with David Cook.
I’d love to hear you speak. What’s the topic? Have I missed a previous mention of this somehow?
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:54 am
I really do smell like cinnamon and sugar, just wait. xo
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:48 am
That sounds like one tiring dream. One of those dreams that you need a long nap to recover from.
Damn I wish I could come to hear you speak. Especially if there will be cupcakes, cocktails and a dance floor!
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:08 am
Hmmm.. At least you weren’t nekkid and standing in front of a crowd to give a speach you hadn’t prepared for.
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:10 am
“speech” – jesus I need another cup of coffe.
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:23 am
Whoa. Just… Whoa.
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:42 am
you’ll be wonderful. i know it.
am i seriously the ONLY person not going?
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:44 am
BlogHer is JUST like that, at least, once the drinking starts.
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:38 am
i so totally want to hang out in your dreams. not to mention, well, BlogHer.
i’d love to hear you speak.
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:41 am
You’ve actually made me want to sell my children, just so I could afford to attend. You’re speaking? You’re AWESOME. The thing about women in an audience is that they are the most behind-you/rooting-for-you/happy-about-any-crumb-of-wisdom-you-toss-out group you’ll ever enjoy.
Let’s say the worst-case scenario happened, and you got up there and totally froze. Like ten women wouldn’t storm the stage and circle you with love, hollering, “What Flutter means to say is…”
I will live vicariously through any reports you file!
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Overthinking it? Weeeelll, maybe, just a little, but I think I would too.
You’re going to be great, you know.
I’m just saying…!
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
huh. did i tell people you were fragile before or after i stole your one leg?
and i am quite pissed at the impertinence of furiousball. he acts like he’s met me or something. that chaps my hide. more than my agent provocateur whip.
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:44 pm
You’re speaking!
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:05 pm
hysterical.
and I did NOT know that dreams only last 5 minutes. fascinating
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I’m so envious of all of you who get to go! I’d love to hear Flutter and drink in bathrooms. Damnit.
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:12 pm
god damn, i wish i could be there. dream. reality. whatever. i’ll take either.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I am SO JEALOUS that I can’t go. SO. VERY. JEALOUS.
Did you get something in the mail from me recently? I hope I didn’t screw up your address AGAIN.
May 28th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
That’s EXACTLY how it’s all going to go down, friend.
Love IS all around us. (And you.)
BTW – that reference totally made me smile.
Sorry I’ve been away. I’m so in the weeds at work right now.
May 29th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
It sounds like a party to me, girlfriend! Can I come to your dream? ALMOST all the cool chickas are there!
June 19th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Congratulations! Wow! I don’t know why I’m surprised. You totally *should* be there!