Therapy notes: If I fell asleep with my eyes open, would you notice?
” I say we don’t talk today. I say we just write this one off and take a nap.”
You say that like I don’t sleep through you talking anyway.
” I would like to think I would notice that.”
So you’re saying if I feel asleep with my eyes open, you’d notice?
” Well yeah, duh you’d stop blinking. You might even come up with something profound to say, and then I would DEFINITELY notice.”
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
“Uh huh, that’s what you said a couple of weeks ago, and it didn’t help.”
Crap. Well if you’re going to make me work, I suppose I should be conscious.
“Thanks, sorry to be such a shrew.”
Yeah, well don’t worry I can fix that, too.
“Excellent.”
With that begins a new session. I love that the dryness of my humor does not have to be tempered or watched in this place. That his does not either. That I can sit in all of my flaws and my bullshit and get to the meat of what the hell my problem is, without having to worry about him thinking I am an asshole.
Without him worrying that I think he is an asshole.
My level of comfort here, increases my level of comfort at home. It allows me to unlock all the brittle little pieces. All of the pieces that I am afraid will turn to dust if the light hits them. All of the pieces that are part of the most authentic, the most genuine me, that I have hidden away for 20 years for fear of them being deemed unlovable. Those pieces which actually hold the most charm.
How is the writing?
I smile at the question, as I realize that I am writing words on a piece of paper, without thinking. That I am so preoccupied by writing that I do it while breathing. We began to talk about the drive to do things.
You know, I can help you, if you want. I know some people that I could get in contact with. I’ll just say that I have a friend that needs some direction….
“Yes, thank you I appreciate that introduction much more than ‘hey dudes, this is a batshit client of mine, could you help her out, but beware that she hears voices.’”
There are days like this, that are light and funny but profound. That we talk about things that are huge and weighty, but that I leave feeling unburdened. Like I can be a successful partner, writer, person. Without tears and tearing and breakdowns.
None of which is to say that I wouldn’t have just preferred a nap.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:58 am
Naps are also therapy. The Matron is a BIG believer in therapy! She was a regular for a long, long time.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Well…a good nap has its place certainly…I wonder if you would have to pay your full fee for that? I’m also wondering if there is an extra charge for snuggling, because I could have used some of that myself last night…just a comfortable snuggle and hold…
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
HA! That would DEFINITELY fall out of the scope of his authority.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:22 pm
you know what i’d like to say, but i’d get accused of sounding like someone else.
you tend to notice when i fall asleep.
oh, vodeooodooo….
snap.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Damn, there’s nothing I would prefer to a nap today. And every day for the last two weeks. I need a nap badly. I wake up needing a nap. Naps are the best. Can I have a nap yet? Please? No. Oh well.
I really wish that there was somewhere you could go, pay for a few hours and a warm, white bed and a nap. Maybe they could give you some magic napping potion that means no dreams and you wake up feeling all warm and fuzzy. That would be the best.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:02 pm
“a friend that needs some direction.”
I like those six concise words.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I could use a nap today, too. Preferably by a pool with no screaming, splashing children to wake me up?
Oh, Monday.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Nap therapy is undervalued in the therapeutic community.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
“I really wish that there was somewhere you could go, pay for a few hours and a warm, white bed and a nap.”
Motel 6?
I attend classes at a local university, and I’m always amazed that some people seem to go there just to sleep on those hard benches. I want to shout . . . WAKE UP!!!
Ah well. I’m off to take a nap . . .
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:02 pm
He sounds like a pretty decent guy.
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
The fact that he joked about it with you means you may be one of the few people whose therapist never tried to take a nap while you were talking!
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I like him, a lot.
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:50 pm
It’s refreshing to be around people without the pressure of being guarded. Someone who knows your shit, calls you on it, and only asks of you, that you be YOU.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:28 pm
That conversation really made me smile. Thank you for writing it down. I like my humor dust bowl dry.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I like your therapist!
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
It’s so nice that it’s not all seriousness all the time. I love the “batshit client” line. You’ve got such a wicked sense of humour.
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:26 pm
It’s so good that you are so comfortable w/him. I think I wouldn’t have it any other way.
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:48 pm
You are so well matched with this therapist. It’s a coupling, isn’t it, like a couple of old ornary people, except you’re not old, just tired sometimes.
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:55 pm
“This is a batshit client of mine…” Too cool! I truly love the part: “…I leave feeling unburdened.” That is the name of the game; you go girl! Thoughts and Prayers.
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:13 pm
I almost want to go back to the shrink. Not really, but almost. Because it would reinforce that you have a really good one.
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I’m thinking that I just might take to napping and give up trying to sleep at night altogether, between my mind and my cat…well the night sleeping just ain’t all that. OR, maybe I could just visit your therapist and go and sort of chill with him in that safe place because it sounds awfully good in there. I’ve said it before but it bears saying again, I’m awfully glad you’ve got him and I’m damn jealous.
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:47 pm
OH! I love that you can talk to him like this.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Yes – those of is with a dry sense of humor certainly need our outlets, don’t we??
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 pm
That easy repartee is one of my favorite things, and it’s hard to find. It would be a hard choice between that and a nap.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:06 pm
That lack of false formality HAS to be a boon to your sessions…and, yes, as you note, to your life at home. I love the dialogue here!
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:57 pm
“Those pieces which actually hold the most charm”. Amen sister.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:22 am
I’ve written you such a long letter with pictures and all. If you can hold on a while longer I will try and find time to go buy stamps and post it*
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:27 am
How can I explain how much I love this post? That therapist? You?
ARGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
Why you always gotta leave me so speechless?
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:42 am
I think that your sense of humour is absolutely delicious. I like that he gets it, and gives it back.
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:01 am
“Leave feeling unburdened” Excellent. How many of us could benefit from that? I’m glad you didn’t take a nap instead.
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:27 am
HUgs
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 am
Now, see, I was always suspicious of the therapy sessions that didn’t involve heaving and tears (not that I am really one for crying; it was an inside kind of sobbing, I guess). Oh so product oriented, me. It’s good to see you can free yourself of some of that.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:11 am
I love you and your therapist.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:04 am
Drive is important. I’m glad you can discuss that with him.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
without him worrying that I think he is an asshole
LOL, god is THAT the truth…at least for me. Since I consider being who and what I really am to be one of THE most important aspects of wellbeing–and where I seem to spend the majority of my time with others in session, giving them permission to say, do and be whatever is their truth, theories shmeories–I find my behavior sets the tone of the container/space in the room.
And, (more laughing), I realize after reading this sentence of yours, I don’t care if a patient thinks I’m an asshole. It’s more important for me to be me, the heck with anyone’s judgments. In fact, those very judgments usually find their way to the surface of our interactions over time…oh yeah, oh yeah…
Thanks, I needed a laugh.
And now off to curse like a sailor with my next couple…
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Every time I read these notes, I marvel at what a gifted therapist you have.
They are hard to come by. Especially ones with a wicked sense of humor, essential in my book.
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
having just read Niobe’s account of therapy earlier, i found this immensely hopeful. i like to think somebody has a decent therapist. i’ve never found one, though where i live they’re rare. i’d rather like to be one, except…well…not believing they exist is such a downer.
so, um, thanks! i leave, cheered.
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:43 pm
A nap is always good but someone like him is more rare.
To make this kind of connection in any way in our lives is something special.
I don’t trust my therapist. She can’t handle me.
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
this sounds far more productive than a nap. and more blogworthy.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I hope I can get to that place with my new therapist. Haven’t been able to in the past, but there is hope. Having said that, naps are very theraputic, at least in my mind.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I hope I can get to that place with my new therapist. Haven’t been able to in the past, but there is hope. Having said that, naps are very theraputic, at least in my mind.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I’ve said it before – I like the sound of him.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Am cracking up over that last exchange especially! I love your sense of humor.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
you could totally make a one act play out of these exchanges.
June 5th, 2008 at 12:49 am
Intellectual sparring and a nap. Perfect combo.
June 5th, 2008 at 8:08 am
That dude is golden… And I’m truly glad that you found him.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
You would totally dig the HBO series I told you about. This dialog sort of reminds me of it. In Treatment. It’s based on an Israeli television show….if you can get your hands on the dvd it’s worth it.