I love you, in you know, a completely platonic way….
An empty page, a blinding lack of words where always, I have one.
or two.
I draw inward at the scope of this and I wonder how much two people can endure. I wonder how much of me I can inflict on you. I wonder, if you know. If you know how much I truly love you. I wonder if you know how your laughter fills me. How your brilliance awes me. How you are all of the things I am not.
How I can never be all of the things you are.
How I want you. Always, to be filling what is empty in me. What is made for you. I may not always say or show, sometimes my pain is so great that I am afraid to open the door. But I want you in. I want you on every wall, behind every door, in every corner. I want your presence, your smell your love to shake the dust out of all of the dead parts and pull out what is vibrant.
I want your support, always. I always strive to make you proud and come up so short. I am afraid to ask for what I need, not because I think you will not give it, but because I think I am not worth the favor. Before you, no one has ever believed. Not even me. Especially not me. But I am trying. Small steps into the light.
Into your light.
I love you in all the ways I thought possible and even more all the ways I never even considered.
November 24th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Small steps into the light. That’s all we can do. You always have the words…yes, you do.
November 25th, 2008 at 5:13 am
These thoughts could easily be marriage vows. More beautiful than many others I’ve heard. They speak of surrender and independence and mutual passion. He is one fortunate man . . .
November 25th, 2008 at 5:16 am
How fortunate you are! Imagine life without him and then hold on all the tighter. This is what I do. Mine believes me into being sometimes, just when I’m faltering on a breeze.
November 25th, 2008 at 5:56 am
The person you wrote this too, is very lucky. Love is not something some of us give away easily. But when a strong beautiful women, like you, loves…well, the universe tips on its axis.
Keep dreaming, keep writing it down, it is all coming to you, this I know to be true.
November 25th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Definition of true love.
November 25th, 2008 at 6:24 am
{hug}
what resonates for me is the pain and the feeling of worthlessness, like two aggressive vines that break into the mortar of the foundation of love.
November 25th, 2008 at 6:30 am
This seems like a good place to be, as the messy, scary, emotion-wrought holidays approach.
November 25th, 2008 at 6:38 am
you know, he is as lucky to have you in his life as you are to have him.
he,my dear, is the lucky one.
xoxo
November 25th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Oh, Flutter, I doubt he believes you come up short.
It’s probably those things that we tell ourselves…willing light your way.
November 25th, 2008 at 7:17 am
“I love you in all the ways I thought possible and even more all the ways I never even considered.”
ah, all the ways you never considered…I love that.
November 25th, 2008 at 7:40 am
We all have something to give.
Yes, ALL of us.
November 25th, 2008 at 7:54 am
i’m not sure what the handfart appropriate song is here
November 25th, 2008 at 8:30 am
OMG! That ripped right through my heart! Would it be alright if I reposted this on my blog? It is so what I want to say.
It is so what I want to say.
November 25th, 2008 at 11:08 am
i love this.
November 25th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I hope he read this… it was just lovely.
i wish I had the words to share with my partner how I feel about him like you are able to do!
November 25th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Mind if I print it out and pass it off as my own on all my Christmas cards? No? Ok….”Happy Holidays, we love you” will have to suffice then I guess.
:O)
November 25th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Your heart is gold. You are both so lucky.
November 25th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
You said it. Small steps. This is good!
November 25th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
You are a treasure, on so many levels. This is so perfect as are you two, for each other.
November 25th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
I hope he reads this and knows.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:37 am
you, my dear, are brilliant…..
November 26th, 2008 at 6:28 am
BRILLANTE!
Yes you!
Come pick up your award! Click on the name and there it is!
November 26th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Sometimes when I read your posts I think “Wow, I totally get what she’s saying.” Then I read the comments and think “Wow, that’s not what I got, but I’m still riveted.” And ultimately I always think “Wow, Flutter is good. Really good. And by ‘good’ I mean ‘FABULOUS!’”
I love you, in you know, a completely platonic way. Rock on, sister.
November 26th, 2008 at 8:53 am
damn, babe.
November 26th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Did he read this? He should.
November 26th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I truly hopes he reads this. That right thar is in fact true love.
November 26th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Remind yourself: he can never be all of the things you are, either. You enrich each other. Keep inching towards him.
November 26th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
are you talking to me?? are you talking to ME?
That was lovely. Don’t be afraid.
November 26th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Wait, but you love your guy in a sexual way, dontcha? haha im confused
November 27th, 2008 at 1:58 am
My beautiful sister. Your words carry much power and magic as they remind me of the love I too feel in my heart. It breathes life into my love.
November 27th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Remember, the sky is there, just waiting for you to trust your flight. You have everything you need and I’ll be standing here smiling the day you finally believe it.
November 27th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
This is beautiful.. truly it is. Babysteps all the way
November 27th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
A light. Sometimes we need someone else to find the light inside of us. If you are there and can stay, hold tight.
November 28th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
he is a lucky man to be wanted so much. I hope he knows that.
November 30th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
This is a wonderful post.
You must love him very much. And also believe in him and his love for you when you say ‘nobody believed, not even me, especially me’
He sounds very special, I’m sure he loves you very much also, it sounds like it from what you have written.
It sounds like you two are made for each other, don’t be so hard on yourself, everything will be just fine.