In a sky bursting into stars
Some days, I wait. I wait in quiet observance. I wait to watch the world roll up its sidewalk and shut down its doors and await an impending twilight.
Some days I think of all of the things that I want. In varying orders of importance. In shades of bright and dark. How I want to open my mouth in joy and spill silver laughter. How I want to leave the knife of my past pain snug in its casing, so that it cannot cut me anymore. How I want to carry the beauty of a life that I will mother.
How I want to help.
Oh, how I want to help. How I want to be an instrument of healing for those placed in my care. How I would love nothing more than to be the blackness in a sky bursting into stars. To be that background that only makes the light shine brighter. How I still, after all these years, wonder where I am headed.
Where my words will take me and where my head will allow me to go.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:20 am
Sister. I want to see something as wise and wonderful as your words but I am speechless. Words of the heart cannot be typed.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:39 am
i’m still wondering too. lately, i’ve come to consider that the wondering might just be what’s keeping me down.
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:59 am
Beautifully put. As usual.
xoxox
January 22nd, 2009 at 6:32 am
I don’t think we ever really know where we are going.
January 22nd, 2009 at 7:02 am
When we tell our stories, we never know really who may be reading. We never know who we may of helped to see life differently, who we may of given hope to that day. Never under estimate your spirit. I believe each of us, has unbeknowst to us, helped someone or several someones along the way.
Let the beauty that is you, keep shining. The light inside you will lead the way. (Hugs)Indigo
January 22nd, 2009 at 7:12 am
Oh, flutter. Oh!
This is simply stunning.
You keep dropping these words so perfect as you do and there is no limitations to the spaces they will create, the momentum they will build, the possibilites of being.
You do help. You mother us, this page, grace, and the future child you WILL hold inside your arms.
I would like to know where I am going. I feel small and scared sometimes, often, today, but not so much after reading this.
Thank you.
January 22nd, 2009 at 7:14 am
the important thing is to keep moving on, even if you are unsure of your destination
January 22nd, 2009 at 8:14 am
What does it mean when you start thinking of the things you want in terms of just more things you’re probably going to have to give up?
January 22nd, 2009 at 8:19 am
Gorgeous.
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 am
I think you are painting that dark velvet canvas now.
Sort of like the soft ink of my dogs ear…..
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 am
Sometimes, when we know what we want… what we need is patience. That seems to be my case, anyway. Don’t give up on your dreams.
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 am
I adore the fact that by reading a post of another human being, I am able to see myself differently but the same in many ways.
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 am
This is beautiful and I could have written that first paragraph myself.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 am
I don’t know where i am going, but i am pretty sure it’s somewhere uncomfortably warm.
Okay, i make a joke of it, as is my way, but this is really beautiful and captures the essence of the yearning human heart.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 am
Wouldn’t it be nice to know when we’re supposed to figure that out?
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:55 am
Beautiful…really beautiful.
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
How I would love nothing more than to be the blackness in a sky bursting into stars.
Whoa.
Woof.
Great capture.
Me, too.
And I never thought of it like that. Henceforth, I will gaze at the night sky’s backdrop with different eyes.
I love being presented with alternate perspectives.
Thank you.
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Your words are like velvet and creamy like peanut butter (without the salmonella of course) and I felt this in my heart. I think I’m trying to figure out the very same thing.
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
You just write so damn pretty.
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
I think we’ll always wonder where we’re headed… I think that’s a good thing, too. Sometimes I don’t even want to know!
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Wow. Amazing. I, too, have wondered (and continue to wonder) where I am going. I loved being a reference librarian until fibromyalgia forced my retirement at age 40. Your words have touched my heart. I believe that everything unfolds in its own time and in its own way. You may wish to be the velvet sky, flutter, but I think that you are a blinking star– sending coded messages of hope and love over the wires.
Love from The Minx
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Sweet girl, it probably doesn’t mean much, given that I’m little more than a stranger to you, but you helped me. You helped me to find my voice, to have faith that it was worth finding, to be brave enough to let it out. You helped me more than I can express, just by being you. And if you helped me I’m pretty damn sure you have helped others.
Just so you know. You’re already on your way. You really are.
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:32 pm
What a wonderful message. Sometimes I wonder where I am headed, but I know, in the end, It will be a specacular place, and I will be there for anyone who is in need.
January 22nd, 2009 at 6:25 pm
You help and inspire more than you know Flutter. This was one of the most gorgeous posts I’ve read in ages.
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Thanks for this one.
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
i like what henri nouwen says, that: “The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.”
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:27 am
“How I want to carry the beauty of a life that I will mother.”
Loved that line. And the image of nurturing it evokes. To nurture yourself. That is the right direction, the only direction, Christine.
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:55 am
that was quite lovely, flutter. very, very.
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:32 am
I think we are just to embrace the never knowing.
you can be the background for some and still be a star for yourself you know.
we are many things all at once.
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:56 am
I wish you knew more keenly your own power. You are just so much fucking stronger and more beautiful than I think you are capable of realizing. Keep me around, I’ll kick your ass and whisper in your ear.xxoo
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:52 am
So rarely are we reminded just how important the background is to the subject. We are taught to be the subject. To be the shining star. Such a portrait you have painted of serving, regardless of the label – mother, helper, healer… Today, you are teacher. Brightening stars. Teaching the craft of brightening.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Me too.
January 25th, 2009 at 5:21 am
Funny how you want to heal others. Clearly you need to work with children, Flutter. You would shine!
January 27th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
(love) (you)
and get this.