Pet peeves (alternately titled: Hormones, I haz them)
It bugs the fuck out of me when people cannot spell “definitely”. Definately, deffinitly, definatly, definatley….Oh. My. God. It is literally definite, with ly stuck on the end of it. NOT THAT HARD, PEOPLE! Oh and let’s not get started on literally. Literally means literal.
You cannot say to me, that you have not seen me in literally forever. THAT IS A BIG FAT LIE, LIARFACE! If you have not seen me in literally forever, you have never seen me. EVER.
Also? Apostrophes do not make something plural. Strawberry’s is not the same as strawberries. Strawberries means you have multiple berries. Strawberry’s is either the name of a restaurant, or you have something that belongs to strawberry.
Valentine’s Day is the correct way to refer to that nauseating heart and flower holiday. Not Valentines Day or Valentimes Day. Jesus. If you celebrate that pile of shit, you’d do well to know how to fucking spell it.
Seen and saw are not the same. You saw the man run down the street, you didn’t seen him. You just didn’t.
THE WORD IS “ASK”. That is all I am saying.
It is “all intents and purposes” not “all intensive purposes”. It is “should have” not “should of”, “then” and “than” are not interchangeable. Please, for the love of GOD, figure out the difference between “their”, “there” and “they’re”. When you’ve nailed that one, wrap your brain around “you’re” and “your”, lest I have to come over and kill you.
Because litterally, it is definately bad form to read you’re blog while eating strawberry’s on Valentimes Day, when you can’t spell.
[/end rant]
March 6th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Ooh, I like it when you get all ranty about language. (Though you spelled “intensive” wrong…)
March 6th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Spelling snobs UNITE!
(“Congradulations” is one that I can’t stand. Also “it’s” and “its”. But I should probably stop now.)
March 6th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
I haz hormones too. Can I save myself the trouble of ranting and just link to yours? All of which, by the way, I agree with completely. I find bad grammar and poor spelling to be a major turn off when I’m reading a blog. Why would I want to read the writings of someone whose intelligence level is that of a 5th grader? My guess is they’re not going to teach me something I don’t already know. It always leaves me with the sudden urge to email the writer a “corrected” version of whatever they wrote.
Ok… I don’t feel the need to rant anymore, thank you.
March 6th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
magpie : d’oh! I am a typo queen, also the fault of hormones
March 6th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
This made me LAUGH!
March 6th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Totally taking issue with Valentines Day. I don’t always use the apostrophe, because sometimes I think of it as the day of valentines. Horrible, stupid, pointless valentines. HOWEVER. The you’re-your and their-they’re-there things just PISS me the fuck off.
March 6th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
I used to say “If money were no object . . . ”
Yeah, I’m dumb at times.
And what about we’re and were? And “into” as opposed to “in to”. I fuck that one up regularly. I need to look in to it . . .
March 6th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
You reminded me of something I wrote last time I was hazzing some hormones. I’m hazzing them again, so this time I decided to publish it.
Yesterday, I was grumpy because my dyslexic husband walloped me twice at the facebook version of scrabble. One daughter was in complete teenage hormonal angst. Next week, it might actually be funny. Unless the other one is hazzing.
March 6th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Rock on, sister!
On my Myspace page, my profile saying is “CONVERSATE is not a word!” Cause I can’t stand that ignorant shit.
March 6th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Suppose and supposed is one of my pet peeves. my hormones have taken over and deb haz left the building. cat on my arm=no capitol’s
March 6th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
ohh smarty pants that valentines day always trips me up.
March 6th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
My blogging related ones, since you’re inspiring me, ‘Some body wrote a POST, not a blog’. Drives me up the mfing wall every time I see in text ‘I wrote a blog today’.
It makes me get very, “really, a whole one? In one day? That’s certainly an accomplishment. You know, there’s people who’ve been writing for YEARS and not yet finished their BLOG.”
GAH.
March 6th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
bugger, I’m afraid to write anything now…..
March 6th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
HAW! Those are some of my minor annoyances, too, but over time they’ve ceased to annoy me anywhere as much as they used to.
(I’m BACK!)
March 6th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Your and You’re is the worst. Ugh
March 6th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Don’t forget ‘Wah-lah’ in lieu of Voila. That one makes me throw up a little.
March 6th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Ok – can we add a lot to the list? I hate those who think it’s one word – alot is not a word! I see people screwing up to and too lately as well.
March 7th, 2009 at 5:54 am
Squee! I love this!
Also? NUCLEAR, not NUCULAR.
For God’s sake.
March 7th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Can I just aks one question? If your definatley not going too conversate with those people than how in the world will you talk too anybody? cause, litterlly, everbody does this. I’ve saw it. Except me of course. and you.
March 7th, 2009 at 7:38 am
I’m laughing that you spelled something wrong in your anger at people who spell things wrong
That be real funniest!
And, I’m wondering why you would ever come over to my blog? I bully grammar around like a school yard bully. I ain’t talk so good over there, or is it their? Ha, there you go!
March 7th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Oh, this cracked me up. And yeah, I get grumpy about those things, too.
March 7th, 2009 at 8:41 am
OH, GAH! I HATE IT! don’t get me started on that. i FUCKING hate it. mostly because this friend of mine used to spell it that way. she probably still does. and i swear she added it to her dictionary. had an arguement with Microsoft Word about it and WON. because that’s how annoying and competitive she was. i would sneak it into an email, spelled correctly. she would respond, sneaking it in the same way, spelled definately. i swear, we could go for days and every email we shared had the words definitely and definately in each email.
good lord. i haven’t even read the rest of your post. the first sentence grabbed me. off to finish reading…
*weeping* i can’t finish this post!!!
i hate it when people say parenfeses. i hate it when they take the g out of ing. when they don’t have a southern accent. what’s so hard about saying ing? great. now i’m all in a fuffle. gotta go shake it off.
DAMMIT.
March 7th, 2009 at 8:43 am
haha, the literally thing drives me nuts
March 7th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Amen, sister!
The apostrophe thing drives me up the wall.
March 7th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Perfection.
March 7th, 2009 at 10:18 am
I deffinitly hate it when people who definately cannot spell spell definitely wrong. It literally kills me. Literally. I’ve died like literally a thousand times this week.
Just the other day I seen a sign that said, “If your feeling blue, stop in for a warming pick-me-up”.
Fortunately, they had an easy number to remember, so I called them to inform them of the grammatical error on they’re sign.
They weren’t very appreciative. Perhaps they were too tired from all the picking up.
I’ve ended a casual friendship because I couldn’t stand her constant massacre of the English language.
That is a true story.
Literally.
March 7th, 2009 at 10:51 am
now mrs flutter, don’t you worry your pretty little head about all this stuff. just put your feet up and relax and it will all seem better in the morning.
March 7th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Hear hear.
Or is that ‘here here’?
March 7th, 2009 at 11:17 am
My mother wrote a letter to one of my teachers in grade school, and received a response so riddled with spelling and grammar errors, she had to cry a little bit.
March 7th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Ha!! You are right, though I am the typo queen.
The one that kills me? In the south (or perhaps just Tennessee?) they say “might could.”
“I might could go to the movies with you Saturday.”
OH MY GOD it’s all I can do to stop myself reaching for their / there / they’re neck.
March 7th, 2009 at 11:45 am
So, I take it you’ve read “Eats Shoots and Leaves” and written the author a fan letter? And joined the grammar police and put the membership card in your wallet?
March 7th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
How can you not mention the complete misuse of “good” and “well?”
This pizza is good.
I’m feeling well.
Learn it people. Live it.
March 7th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I have no hormones and I feel the same way! My MIL pluralizes all words with an apostrophe s. It’s driven me crazy for 24 years. When I worked for her company, I would correct her errors (which were numerous!) and then she would have her secretary type them up after she had crossed out all of my corrections. That’s only the tip of the iceberg…there are so many more grammatical errors that annoy me, but I’d take up too much space here…
March 7th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
er, sorry-
March 7th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
You nailed some of my favorites. The apostrophe thing makes my eyes bleed. I think there’s a medical term for it.
Thanks for the laugh.
March 7th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
I am so, so bad with the apostrophe situation. Not horrible, but still, pretty bad. At least I can admit it tho, right?
March 7th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
I will axe you again and agin wills you loves me tomorrow.
March 7th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
I hope you read The Blog Of Unnecessary Quotation Marks. You definately should.
http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/
March 8th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Do you think it would be worth my wild to learn these things? That’s how my ex would say it. Yes, please, people. Learn how to freakin’ spell when you’re using your freakin’ words!
March 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Irregardless. I went all haywire on my boss the other day because she said irregardless.
March 8th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
i miss you too
Too/to/two much*
March 8th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
i love you and your hormones and the horse they rode in on.
March 8th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
My favorite: In all actuality… What is that? All actuality?? The over-used actually “actually” means something… Oh dear. Worse than eating chicken poop…. (hee! I saw your comment over at Mary’s and had to visit!)
March 8th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
I am, literally, (wink) the most intolerant person ever when it comes to language and grammar. So, a snort for your title, and a round of applause for your post.
It also drives me completely farking insane when people quote idioms incorrectly. Such as…”butt naked” instead of “buck naked”. ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/buck+naked
March 8th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
I hate it when people say “I could care less.” Or “I don’t know where he’s at.”
Oh oh, how about
‘duck tape’
and
’suppose to’
Once i read
“For all insense and purposes.”
and
“I’m not very computer savage.”
and
“That’s my analogy of the situation.”
and
“The similarities are the same.”
I could literally go on forever.
March 8th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Yowza! She says from the strawberry’s patch of literally hellish self-indulgent claptrap she can’t blame on that they’re depression. You can axe me later why I need to whaaa whaaa.
March 8th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Can I get a big ol’ AMEN? *waves arms in the air*
March 8th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Gah! I’m with Paul, now I’m afraid to comment. Seriously, I do try to do a spell check before I release the comment or post into the blogsphere. Grammar? (Raises hand) I can be ridiculously bad in that arena. I’ll admit to that one in a heartbeat. However, I do think I get away with it more often due to the fact at least what I’m writing has some heart. Girl scout honor I’ll try to better myself on that front. (Hugs)Indigo
March 8th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
2 words… SPELL CHECK!!
March 8th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
except spell check doesn’t correct grammar mistakes. Their, there and they’re are all spelled correctly if if they are contextually incorrect.
March 8th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
oh i love a good rant and you have a point and you made me laugh too! but i still love 2 do things like bend the rules for the sake uvvit (what sake you might ask but that’s another subject), but it’s so good to be refreshed on the rules and so refreshingly, bravo!
March 9th, 2009 at 7:09 am
that felt good.
March 9th, 2009 at 9:51 am
I am literally the most bothered by the misuse of the word literally.
March 9th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I had a SUPERVISOR who always said PACIFICALLY/PACIFIC…. for specifically/specific…. always!!!
“I pacifically told you to do…” “They were very pacific in their demands…”
ARGH!!!! It produced a twitch in my eye. I think that is one of my biggest peeve!
March 9th, 2009 at 11:50 am
A to the MEN!!!
March 9th, 2009 at 11:52 am
“Hormones, I haz them” 24/7/365 for me apparently. Stuff like that just makes me crazy. It’s also why I don’t watch the news anymore. E-legal was just the start (supposed to be ILLEGAL, people!!!!). I also stop reading blogs of people who can’t spell. It’s too much work to try to figure out what it is they’re actually saying.
I’m just sayin’….
March 9th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
LOVE THIS. As an editor, I see my share… and I agree, it’s frustrating as hell.
March 9th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
I nearly peed my pants reading this! I teach English, so I KNOW your pain. For reals! BTW, “For reals” is one of my biggest pet peeves. Also, “it’s mines” sucks too!
Care to be a guest lecturer in my classroom? They might listen to you!
March 9th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
I can’t stand it when people spell definitely with an A.
I also can’t stand it when people don’t pronounce first the R in February.
March 9th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
One might call you a “snoot”. (I think that’s the word). I is one two. letterallies.
March 9th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Yes, ‘definately’ gives me the heebie jeebies.
also, when medical people say ‘regiment’ instead of ‘regimen’, like He had a complicated medication regiment. ugh! barf!
March 10th, 2009 at 2:19 am
I work in university admissions and it takes all of my strength not to correct idiotic prospective students’ grammar and spelling. Not to sound like an old lady, but it really does make me worry about our future. Bah!
March 10th, 2009 at 4:55 am
Mmmmmm, I defanately haven’t eaten strawberry’s in, like, literally forever!
March 10th, 2009 at 7:37 am
I don’t know if someone said this yet (too lazy to read through all of your comments), but the offense I see most often online (as in on blogs) is lose/loose. Really smart people make that mistake all the time. You funny.
March 10th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Whew! Glad I don’t do any of those things! Spelling and pronunciation are big peeves for me too – ask my kids, they’ll confirm that I’m a spelling and pronunciation nazi. Oh, and it’s all thanks to my mother, who still adds “ly” to everything my father says (because he is so not of that ilk!).
March 10th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
That was fucking great.
I’m with you, sister.
March 10th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Ah, there’s no rest for the whippet, and you are the icing on the cape, dahlink! x
March 10th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
The apostrophes kill me. The your and you’re – they get to me too.
I sooo enjoyed this rant!
March 10th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
You have just perfectly illustrated my life as an editor. Thank you.
March 10th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
You should get riled more often. That was a hoot. Thanks! I really needed to paugh.
March 10th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
OH YEAH? OH YEAH???
SAYS WHO??
GOD? DOES GOD DICTATE PROPER PUNCTUATION AND GRAMMAR??
Oh shit. Did I spells me some “grammar” wrong? Dang. Sorry if I did, pretty lady.
It’s been literally FOREVER since I’ve been here! I mean, for all intensive porpoises, or to be redundant, for all rigorous small toothed wales, it’s like I’ve NEVER been here!
March 10th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
My God. You must totally hemorrage when you come to my site LOL
March 10th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
HOLD THE PHONE. English has a fundamentally flawed spelling system. It is not phonemically represented by the English spelling system. Other languages update their spelling systems to reflect modern pronunciation.
(I *heart* linguistics.)
March 10th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
You’ve been grading my students’ essays again, I see.
Yes, you defiantly have.
March 10th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
If I didn’t love you already, today would have done it.
But! You skipped over my personal pet peeve – judgment. As much as I want an “e” in the middle to make that darned “g” soft…we can’t change the way it is and the way it is is judgment, not judgement. I’ve stopped reading a couple of people’s blogs over this one. I KNOW spellcheck is highlighting it as an error! Do folks just feel superior and hit “publish” anyway???
March 11th, 2009 at 8:34 am
OMG, I LOVE this post, please do this more. Don’t even get me started on malapropisms. Or is that a MUTE point (roll eyes).
March 12th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Mine? People who say “LIBERRY.”
IT IS LIBRARY, people!
xoxo
March 12th, 2009 at 11:34 am
HERE HERE!!! My brother’s stupid girlfriend always spell their and there wrong? Hello – you learned that in like 3rd grade!
March 12th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Right on, sister. Oh, and don’t forget about supposably.
March 12th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
I haven’t seen you in literally forever.
And I think I have something that belongs to a strawberry.
I didn’t realize their were so many homophonic people in the world.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
We’re a cranky bunch aren’t we? But funny.
March 14th, 2009 at 9:49 am
From this English major who still occasionally gets things a wee bit incorrect but still way more correct than the populace at large….a hearty thank you!!!!
March 14th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
i literally love you
March 18th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Don’t even get me started on lay and lie. Sheesh.
March 24th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I think you must be stalking another message board I post on… the women there go batshit crazy over that same stuff.
One of my favorites: “used of” instead of “used to”.. as in, “I have to get used of it”
March 26th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
are you my long lost twin? seriously – i think we were separated at birth…
March 26th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
There saying I should of axed you about spelling and other thing’s. Definately.
April 12th, 2009 at 8:58 am
Too funny!
You should try teaching English as a foreign language.
It would give you a nose bleed.