I am kind of a dick.
There has been a rash of bloggers getting book deals. This rocks. For them. I, however, am having a major case of jealousy.
I only mention this in the interest of being completely honest about the fact that I think I am kind of an asshole. Since, one of these people, who has a book deal, has taken to emailing me on a fairly consistent basis. I would like this particular person to burst into flame.
See? Asshole.
I am totally on board with all of the other bloggers I know, getting said book deals, even if hearing news of it throws me into a fit of profanity. You would think someone who fancies themselves a writer, would have better control over their profane leanings. I do not. I got word of a couple of friends of mine receiving book deals and my mouth said “That ROCKS! I am so proud of you!”.
My mind said “Well, shit. Damn ass hell crap twat cock (and the grand-daddy of all curses) MOTHERFUCKER!” I wasn’t being insincere, you see. I was honestly proud and happy for them. The asshole in me, which is admittedly gaining ground these days, however, goes off on a little tourettic tangent.
Back to this one particular person who has taken to frequently emailing me about this particular person’s book deal. This particular person is the ONLY one out of the recent book deals, that I just can’t figure out. This person writes like a lawnmower. There is no grace or craft. There is only a sputtering, gassy smell and a hugely annoying noise coming from their general direction at a pornographic hour of the morning. I have often wondered, to myself and clearly now, out loud just how the fuck this is happening. I have a few running theories. None of which are nice or charitable or honestly indicative of the person that I like to think that I am.
But, I guess I am kind of a dick.
One theory is that this person’s author’s voice is much richer and more finely textured than their blog voice. That is my reasonable, kind theory. It is also the one that I think is complete shit. Another theory involves sexually explicit photos of the publisher and a goat. In the possession of this particular person whose book deal befuddles me.
I also think that there could be some sort of ransom involved, like perhaps this particular person (I AM NOT SAYING WHO) snatched the publisher’s child and will only give the kid back if they publish a book.
I am being so mean, I know. I know. But, shit.
This person’s writing has all of the interest of a crankshaft. Actually, having said that, I am more intrigued by a crankshaft because I don’t know what one does. I assume it has something to do with the cranking of one’s shaft. If one’s shaft should require cranking. Please don’t tell me what a crankshaft does, because I will need something to research the next time this particular person emails me about “the book deal”.
This is the kind of person who will give you writing tips because they have a book deal and you do not (hmm, maybe I should listen). They will tell you that no one wants to read you when you’re depressed because it makes them want to slash their wrists. They don’t want to slash their wrists because then they shall surely bleed all over the contract for their book deal.
I am not usually one to shit all over how another person chooses to express themselves. Except that this person, this sexually explicit goat photo having, child snatching, lawnmowing crankshaft of a writer (with a book deal!), is rubbing it in. Rubbing it in like the shit that sticks to the bottom of your shoe as you are stomping out the flaming bag on your porch.
I have no transcendent end to this, no big life lesson. I am just irritated as hell and now I need to go find out what a crankshaft does.
March 15th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Can I just say, for the record here, how much I adore you! I promise I’ll stop emailing you about the book deal.. *CoughWhateverBitchLikeICouldGetABookDealCough*
March 15th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
A book deal! I never even thought of that. Maybe I’ll go get one. They give them to everyone, right?
Do you want me to pick one up for you at the 99 Cents store while I’m there anyway?
March 15th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Oh Flutter, I am laughing my ass off right now. Do you know how many times I’ve felt this, but I clearly lack the crankshaft to write it out! FUALCK! This is funny!
And then there’s this, there HAS TO BE enough room in the world for shitass books, and ours.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Oh, you know I am such a dick, too, then. I’ve thought just about every single one of these things, except for the kidnapping. Wish I’d thought to imagine that scenario.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Phew. Well, at least it’s not me. No book deal on the horizon.
Shit. No book deal on the horizon.
A rash of bloggers, you say?
Shit.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Since I don’t have a book deal to speak of I will keep e-mailing you. But if the Backpacking Dad is indeed on to something, as it seems, count me in.
I made a book deal with myself, but currently contract negotiations have broken down and the whole thing has gone sour. You’re probably better off just being bitter.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Here’s the big secret, we’re all kind of assholes. It is always kind of a relief when someone comes out and says it, though.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I love your honesty; well said, my dear.
I don’t know what a crankshaft does either.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
i really like your tourrett’s because it reminds me of that finale on curb your enthusiasm with the cook. (=
good, i’m glad i’m not the only jealous dick out there. we can commiserate since my particular bone is lately a lot of bloggers and flickr-ites are being asked to submit to getty images. jealous much?
March 15th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
i think jealousy itself is the dick. that and people who have what i want, of course.
your post made me realize that i’m not only jealous, i’m also suffering a weird hubristic case of insecure “it’s all about me”-ness. because i thought, oh wow, writes like a lawnmower, hope she doesn’t mean ME. and then i realized, duh, i haz no book deal…saved! sad.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Phew! Good thing I don’t have a book deal! (who has a book deal?)
March 15th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Do you have solid evidence that this “person” actually has a book deal and isn’t just making shit up? In any case, you forgot the “My daddy is a publisher” theory, although admittedly it’s not as exciting as the sex-with-goat scenario.
And you can’t really compare to me for general dick-ishness until you’ve told a well-meaning friend to fuck off on FB in front of an audience. I need a program that senses my hormone levels and shuts the computer off when I have raging PMS.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
*snort* I feel ya. A ‘friend’ recently told me the same thing. She got an agent. Her manuscript is in editing. I just KNEW she was blowing someone. I thought WTF and had Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan fantasies, only her fingers would be smacked with the baton instead of her leg, THEN she would burst into flames. Then I found out that she has fifteen hundred bucks tied up in this process already-it makes MUCH more sense. Now, I eagerly await her phonecalls telling me all the little details, because I always dig out how much each one cost her.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
What I’ve noticed are a bunch of fluffy all is right with the world and nothing bad ever happens to me snobbery happy ever after theme books coming into the light. And…they make me sick to my stomach. Why? Because for some unknown, unrealistic fatalistic reason people are buying the gooey taffy coated sweetness. You and I tend to write from the heart with a bit of our souls entwined between the words. When people grow up and realize life isn’t pretty…we’ll take the publishing world by storm, or else we’ll just go ballistic and do all the things you mentioned in your post and write our books from jail *winks*. Never know…(Hugs)Indigo
March 15th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
I’ll go you one better so you can have the security of knowing there is an even bigger asshole out there than you. I don’t think any of them can write worth a crap. There is no nobility or depth or humanity to what they write because they are just playing to an audience.
It’s who you know, how well you network, how willing you are to kiss ass and how willing you are to compromise your artisitc principles for fortune and fame.
So..you see, not only am I an asshole, I’m a bitter old harpie as well.
Feel better?
March 15th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
This is one of those moments where I’m glad I’m out of the loop. If I knew who has all these book deals I’d have to be jealous too. But I don’t so I’m not. Riiiight.
March 15th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Christ what a relief! I was worried I wouldn’t be able to locate any broken-dreamed-over-hyped non-sellers at the half price rack at the bookstore….I’m cheap. But for your book I’d pay cover price.
Seriously, we all have these burst into flame asshole moments. If I didn’t have them I’d have like four hour empty pockets of free time during my daily life. I know I shouldn’t concern myself with those other guys and would be better served turning my energy inward toward honing my skillz, but I need to cope too, or I will be the one bursting into flames. That’s where assholdom factors in.
And now I’m embarrassed because I know what a crankshaft is, and I could pick on out in a junkyard. Yeah, skillz, I has dem.
March 15th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Book deal? Wow. I guess i don’t get out much. Judging from some of the crap out there, many people who SUCK MAJOR ASS at writing get book deals.
Jealous is good, it’s like aerobic exercise without the sweating.
March 15th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I read quite a few blogs but I enjoy yours a lot. If you could suggest a couple or 10 to read that are poignant and have feeling like yours I would love it! Thanks…
March 15th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
I’m a dick too! Let’s all be dicks!
I cannot stand people who write like their life narrator is the dude from Ferris’ Bueller. I don’t want to read some candy coated lameness when I can get grit and messiness somewhere else.
March 15th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
maybe i missed the point of this post, but the lesson i walked away with is that i should email you more often. i mean, i don’t have a book deal, so maybe my emails wouldn’t be quite so intense/interesting, but still. i’ll make a note of it.
March 15th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
this is hilarious. I take it the asshole doesn’t read you? bc if they do this is even funnier!
March 15th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Lisa,
Oh, they read me.
I am a dick.
March 15th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
You are the BEST dick ever.
Wait. Um.
Sure. Why not? You’re a great dick.
I like dick.
Was that an overshare?
March 15th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Even while being a dick, you are funny. That is something. What, I’m not sure.
March 15th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
heh i’m not jealous. i can barely string together enough words to form a sentence, let alone enough to fill a book!
March 15th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Aw, don’t feel badly, for being angry. It’s a normal human reaction. Also hilarious; so emailing you = $?
March 15th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
I’m with Kyla up there. We’re all dicks and assholes at one time or another. It’s just a relief, refreshing really, when someone nuts up and owns it.
March 15th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Wait, are you a dick? or an asshole?
Maybe this identity crisis is why you don’t have a book deal?
March 15th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
You are a funny dick, though!
My mom warned me about people like you. And, as usual, I ignore her advice.
I’ll start making you a mix CD right now…
(So glad Hilly shared this!)
March 15th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Don’t think about it. It will just make your head hurt.
March 15th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
I know I can be a dick too, especially if somebody I think sucks ass at writing got a book deal before I did.
I don’t always comment, but I’ve been following you for a while, your writing is incredible flutter, I’m sure you’ll get your own book deal real soon too!
You are incredible!!!
March 16th, 2009 at 2:37 am
You are a dick. And I love you.
March 16th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Not a dick, just honest. I would, do, feel the same.
March 16th, 2009 at 7:45 am
Life, sadly, is not a meritocracy.
On second thought, maybe that works in my favor.
*Not* that I have a book deal.
But every time I walk into a book store, I think, “Jesus, really? Well, fuck me, then, I could write a book, too!”
March 16th, 2009 at 7:58 am
i have been purposefully dumbing down my posts just so you wouldn’t be jealous if i got a book deal. i’ll post more fart and dick jokes, because i am a good friend.
March 16th, 2009 at 8:16 am
I’m considering taking up plumbing.
March 16th, 2009 at 8:28 am
I bet you don’t have to worry about that “soon to be published” blogger e mailing you advice any more.
March 16th, 2009 at 8:43 am
god. i totally got a book deal. i got six book deals. there’s this used book store here, they are 2 for one, and….oh wait, this is something different, isn’t it?
i want one of those too.
ps. LOVE YOU
March 16th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I love your dick-ish self.
March 16th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Good lord – this made me snort: “This person writes like a lawnmower. There is no grace or craft. There is only a sputtering, gassy smell and a hugely annoying noise coming from their general direction at a pornographic hour of the morning.”
There is no accounting for book deals. Go wander through Barnes & Noble and look at the dreck that gets published.
And you may be a dick, but we love you anyway.
March 16th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Best. Rant. EVER!
Definitely bring out your dick more often.
Or, um, whatever.
March 16th, 2009 at 10:03 am
I stopped reading all the shitty blogs, so I dunno who you’re talking about. Dammit. Hilly shared this on google reader and I’m so glad to have found you. Off to stalk your blog now, asshole.
;P
March 16th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Maybe the book deal is for a book about how to be a shitty writer and still get a book deal.
Maybe the book will be really short. Maybe it’s more of a pamphlet deal. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s a picture book and there will be no words. See? All sorts of possibilities.
March 16th, 2009 at 10:43 am
I think we’re all kinda dicks, if we’re being honest.
Well, all the people I like are anyways.
March 16th, 2009 at 11:04 am
oh my god. i think i just fell in love with you.
March 16th, 2009 at 11:08 am
PS: I’m now going to stalk you (but in nice, friendly way!). Why aren’t you on twitter, dammit?
March 16th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Sweetney, love, she IS on Twitter. I’ll introduce you. Because, yes, she IS le awesome.
March 16th, 2009 at 11:19 am
[is embarrassed] [and yes, still here! stalking!]
March 16th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
is this person rubbing it in your face? or are they excited for themselves? i was accused of bragging when i got a car and could click the alarm on and off with a button. yeah, we all have these cars now, but it was years ago and i was excited about it. and i wasn’t bragging, really and truly. i thought it was cool, so i kept hitting the button and listening to the car honk. and my friend told me to stop bragging. and it popped my bubble.
if this person really is bragging, tell them to stop emailing you already.
writes like a lawnmower. that’s rad.
@wonkwonk
March 16th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Oh. Is this the wrong time to tell you I got a book deal?
Wait.
I got a good deal on a book…yes, that’s what it was.
Honey, there’s no accounting for the kind of crap that is published in the world…just go take a gander at the remainder tables in your local book giant. It makes as much sense as the “popular” blog sites that are not fun or entertaining to read…there’s just no way to wrap your mind around such things. Which is why God created good Margaritas…those definitely help accept some situations…
March 16th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
This is seriously laugh out loud funny. That is all. *snorfle chuckle giggle*
March 16th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
mrs flutter, don’t you worry your pretty head about book deals. your time will come.
and herself says to tell you that a crankshaft is a thing that will go through the side of your engine if you don’t replace your timing chain at regular intervals.
so now you know.
yours,
joker the lurcher
March 16th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Book deals? Is that what happens? I had no idea.
March 16th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Oh man. Do I SO want to know who crankshaft/lawnmower snore is. And the others! Just so I can hate them with you!
xoxo
March 16th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
a ‘book deal’ might be another thing, its called ‘selfpublishing’.(and a viable alternative for some writers) it doesn’t seem likely commercial publishers are scouring blogs, altho’ perhaps like a few on youtube who were ‘discovered’, there might be one or two bloggers-turned-authors, but certainly not a rash. and if you want a book deal there are logical ways to go about doing that. but you already know this. what i want to say is this, if a book deal is what you want, you can have a book deal, you can make it happen. your work to me is direct and fresh and full of animation, alive, with irony and humor and many other great qualities. if your opinion is that the person with the book deal writes like a lawnmower, i would tend to believe you, since i’ve seen your writing, and its authenticity speaks with authority. but if it is true that the lawnmowering writer has an actual ‘they-pay-you-up-front’ book deal, then if i was you i wouldn’t let the obvious lack of taste of the publisher deter me. i would find a legit publisher with better taste. best of good luck.
March 16th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Hey Flutter, guess what? I just got a great book deal, too!!!
Actually, I went to this used book store this afternoon after work, and bought 5 great used books for a song! Just what I was looking for.
So what if you don’t have a book deal yet… I still love you!!!
March 16th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
[...] that things are going particularly well, it can be a little hard to hear. (My good friend wrote a little something about this yesterday, along a different related and very funny vein.) My tolerance is really low [...]
March 16th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Another theory involves sexually explicit photos of the publisher and a goat.
Um, duh. You know that’s the reason, right?
I mean, gotta be.
And, I’m all for a particular RASH OF BLOGGERS getting a book deal, BTW. ALL for it
March 17th, 2009 at 3:51 am
at least you’re a dick with talent…….
March 17th, 2009 at 3:53 am
AND, I am thanking the Lord that I DON’T have a book deal. At least I KNOW you are not talking about me.
right? right? RIGHT???
xoxoxox
March 17th, 2009 at 5:54 am
i’m also a big asshole. a huge one.
March 17th, 2009 at 9:56 am
you always make me smile
March 17th, 2009 at 10:13 am
which is far better than some feel-gooder, boring bookdeal owning looser like the one you described.
i love, adore and admire you exactly the way you are
March 17th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
LOL..after reading this poetic and prophetic tidbit… you better get a deal…that was genious.
March 17th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
I’ve started and thrown books where I wonder, “who thought SHE could write?” There is definately some excellent writing out here in blogland – present company included, no, make that, present blogpost included.
March 18th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Hey it could be worse. I get a guilty amount of joy out of schadenfreude. You’re not really relishing in others failure, just a healthy dose of self pity.
March 18th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I’m kind of very jealous when people get book deals, too. Even though my own book is languishing on my hard drive and reads like it was written by a preschooler. Still. Dick-ish.
I’m dying to know who the emailer is now. You knew this would happen, right?
March 18th, 2009 at 10:38 am
From one assmunch to another – damn girl, I think I love you. Why yes, I DO.
March 18th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Totally normal way to feel. You just had the guts to write about it. Which definitely makes you not a dick.
March 18th, 2009 at 11:18 am
You could *self publish* like my lame-o ex the redneck did. Then tell everyone when your book is coming out. Except it costs $20 for a paperback. LMAO!
Good luck with that crank on your shaft.
March 18th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
I would be totally jealous too – ESPECIALLY if said “writer” wrote like a lawnmower. All those things do is chew up grass and spit it out. Kind of like camels.
March 18th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Hilarious post, Flutter! If that’s you being a “dick”, then rock out with the cock out, girl! Love you much.
March 18th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
its me its me! never mind its not.
being a dick can be fun.
March 18th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
you’ll be thrilled to know that i don’t have a book deal…
March 19th, 2009 at 6:00 am
oh my. love this. and I totally GET it too. I often wonder if it’s my lack of initiative, or lack of proper connections, or lack of mojo, that keeps me from the fame that seems to come so easily to others who are CLEARLY less talented
Then I remember to breathe and think. I got the mojo, YOU certainly got the mojo. The universe will provide, sister. Keep on keepin’ on.
March 19th, 2009 at 8:10 am
someone once emailed me about their upcoming book deal. when I did a little digging, I discovered the ‘publisher’ putting their book out, was none other than a ‘publisher’ that is actually a self-publishing outfit that uses writers. So…..maybe it’s not a real book deal at all?
In any case, pornographic hours of the morning sound intriguing. As long as they don’t include this writer (lawnmore, gassy and writing just don’t go together)
March 19th, 2009 at 11:15 am
“Burst into flames”.
Seriously, one of my favorite things to say, as in, “Please, go die in a fire.”
But in the nicest way, of course.
March 19th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I’m a little in love with the dicky you. We all wanna say it, right? I’m also jealous that I don’t have a book deal. But I guess I’d have to, you know, write a book, or a proposal, or, at the very least, a letter to a publisher. So, no book deal.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Why does everyone want a book deal so bad? I’d be happier to find a wealthy sugarmama who took me on vacations to Nice!
March 19th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
LOL! Ha ha ha ha!
You are funny as hell! Girl…you are to much!
((HUGS))
March 19th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Getting a book deal is so overrated…I had three offers last year alone.
Ok, I am totally bullshi**ing you if you couldn’t already tell.
March 19th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I get this, because I’m a dick as well.
glad to meetcha.
March 19th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
yet another reason i love it when you write:
i am such a fan of women being referred to as dicks and assholes.
me?
i’ve been known to be quite a prick at times.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
I loved this. I get what you mean, so much. I published my own book out of frustrations like you described. All in all that experience was great, but hard. Very hard. I don’t think I’d do it again.
So I’d love a book deal too. To be ‘stabled’ as they say. I could live in a stable. I’d eat the hay if they looked after me.
March 20th, 2009 at 7:35 am
You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/03/five-star-friday-edition-46.html
March 20th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Publishers are adept at choosing “flavour of the season” reads for certain audiences. I think it’s all very calculated.
People who are fantastic writers are just not what the “public” wants to read. And then,they are…. it’s weird.
I imagine the blogger books will be like “shopoholic” or “lawn cutters blues” or a year with my macbook”…
not necessarily brain tingling but something to read on the bus.
your honesty will pay off somehow.
(by the way hi, i’m new to your blog, liking it too!)
March 20th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Gore Vidal once said: “Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.”
Me too.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
I join in the long line of adoration at your feet. Mostly because you are a phenomenal writer, and don’t write like a lawn mower. But, also because you have the ability to make me laugh out FUCKING loud because you say it like it is. Crankshaft indeed. Sounds dirty somehow. But, fun.
March 21st, 2009 at 7:30 am
There is only a sputtering, gassy smell and a hugely annoying noise coming from their general direction at a pornographic hour of the morning.
Ouch. I’m not gunning for a book deal, and my blog writing is beyond casual. That’s one of my biggest fears, though, putting myself out there: I actually suck at this writing thing. I can only speak for myself, but my “real” writing is vastly different from my blog writing.
I know where you’re coming from, though. Many, many times I’ve read someone’s site, a — gasp — A-lister, and wondered why this person gets the accolades she does. I have a “writerly” nemesis, too, and what I’ve read of (this person’s) writing, it’s awful. I don’t get it.
This is why no matter how much writing I do, I could write the “great American novel,” and I’d never call myself a writer. Too much pressure.
March 21st, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Right the eff on.
March 21st, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Jeebus, I love you.
We MUST think they all are using vanity presses, right? It’s all self-publishing, under the guise of a “publisher.”
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:55 am
other than your unnameed “friend” – you must read a higher caliber of blogs than what I read. Or everyone is keeping their book deal a secret from me.
I have absolutely no delusions of a book deal. Well, until now. Maybe I should start dreaming….
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I am a dick too!!! OMG I am such a dick. A relative got a book deal and the fucker can write like I can shoot lasers out of my ass. Said person has then been touted as an expert on the subject of their book when the truth is they know NOTHING about their subject matter. NOTHING, in fact they were part of the very ‘problem’ they then became an expert on fixing. My dog, who likes to lick his own butt, is more of an authority on the subject matter. Every interview I watch I end up yelling at the TV “you are a fraud!” All because this dickbag got a book deal, and I didn’t.
Take heart Flutter- I heard on NPR recently that there are more people writing books than reading them (see what a dick I am?! Telling you to take some comfort in declining literacy?!)…. yes I’m jealous and bitter. fucking hell why not?!
March 24th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
And why do you not have a book deal? I’m confused.
March 25th, 2009 at 10:58 am
If anything in this post truly means you’re an asshole, well, then I’m one, too. (Actually, I may be more of the ‘dickhead’ variety.)
You rock it, period.
March 25th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
The real dick is the person who got a %$**& book deal instead of me!
March 27th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Hopefully they will read this post and get a clue.
I’m pretty sure hell would freeze over before someone would offer me a book deal. No charisma to my writing. Not enough to keep someone reading past page 4 at least. heehee. But that said… I envy your talent, the richness of your writers voice.
If I had any publishing contacts whatsoever, my butt would be on the phone telling that person about how awesome you are and how they should give you a big awesome cool deal!
March 27th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
P.S. Please don’t listen to the person that says “don’t write when you’re depressed.” That is bullshit. I love reading your writing no matter what.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
One needn’t have talent to get a book deal. Case in point? The Twilight series. Who the fuck writes that? Stephanie someone? Well, anyhoo. Total blow.
Like Gwen from Woman on the Verge says, the cream doesn’t always rise to the top.
And I have got to know who this lawnmower writer is. Will you ever divulge? In email? If I send naughty pics? I’m the best secret keeper in the world.
March 30th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
You are talented, beautiful, witty, and one of the most charming dicks I know. Also, you make me laugh. Thank you for reminding me why I like reading your blog, and having you as a friend.
Now I must go think about crankshafts.
April 5th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Who is this sexually explicit blogger? I am trying to find some out there. Ha.
April 20th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Being a dick is the new black. Wear it proudly, girl!
April 21st, 2009 at 11:47 am
Mine is the 104th response to this blog, so I don’t know if someone’s already asked you if Crankshaft has ever gotten 103 responses to a blog.
But no, I’ve learned…that one must present one as a “sympathetic character” if one wants to be published. Can’t say what’s to be done when one actually, intentionally wants to present oneself honestly and hang one’s personal dirt all out on the clothesline…that being the point of the book…to show the human process (note I did not say “growth process”)…and the editor you’ve hired for a first impression doesn’t get it.
Actually, there are books where you find out later that the writer edited out all the personal stuff for publication. I’m specifically thinking about channelled books here.
love your work.