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10 irrefutable facts that you are old and your mind is slipping

10) Your alarm clock goes off and scares the crap out of you.

9) When your alarm clock goes off and scares the crap out of you, you pee a little.

8 ) You floss, gargle and top it all off by loading your toothbrush with a healthy dose of handsoap.

7) You have an unruly chin hair, which grows from your twaddle. (gobble gobble, people twaddle is the new black! everyone has one for fall!)

6) You have a twaddle.

5) You begin to refer to people in their early twenties as “kids”

4) Teenagers annoy the shit out of you

3) You yell the following phrase ” I do NOT pay rent to listen to YOUR STEREO!!”

2) You know very little current music.

1) You would rather get takeout and eat at home, because restaurants are too noisy.

61 Responses to “10 irrefutable facts that you are old and your mind is slipping”

  1. Melanie Says:

    Uh oh. Every one of these made absolute sense to me. I must be getting old and my mind is DEFINITELY slipping. :D

  2. janet Says:

    12. You realize that your baby sister is the same age you were when you married.

    13. You have skin tags. And those bitches are GROWING.

  3. Kay Says:

    8.5 out of 10 means what, then?
    Shit… I don’t want to be old. I’m only 30!!!

  4. deb Says:

    You only have one chin hair? You’re still a kid:)

  5. de Says:

    Hey, quit writing about ME.

  6. Lisa Milton Says:

    I’m embracing the chin hair because the damn thing won’t go away.


    Still better than the alternative, I’m afraid.

    Hope you had a smashing birthday!

  7. amy Says:

    Number 9 made me pee a little laughing!!!!!!! (Am old.)

  8. amy Says:

    And it’s my birthday too! Well, it was on Sunday. Happy Birthday Flutter!

  9. Kyla Says:

    I’m 25, which is MID-twenties…so I’m totally a legitimate adult, right?


  10. Sybil Law Says:

    I’m old!
    I’ll go buy some Depends, now….

  11. Hilly Says:

    The chin hair. That is my downfall and it makes me feel like a granny every single time it pops up.

  12. Shania Says:

    Have you walked into the room, turned slowly in a circle, and looked confused because you can’t remember why you went in there? How about run through fifteen names before you get to the one you want?

    Stuff to look forward to!

  13. tipota Says:

    looking for a new twaddle. maybe i’ll try ebay. i must be old, this twaddle is worn.
    crack me up, thanks for the laugh

  14. Blognut Says:

    Thanks for this – I shall begin to watch for the signs!

  15. conversemomma Says:

    Weak bladder, twaddle, and prominent chin hair. Oh, you sexy beast you!

  16. Robin Says:

    Thanks, I didn’t think I was that old until I read this.

  17. jaded Says:

    Must you post about me?

  18. slouching mom Says:

    I wouldn’t say your mind is slipping. I’d say it’s EVOLVING.

    But then, that’s just me…

  19. Fhina Says:

    You start growing hairs on your toes!

    You develop what we here in the UK call ‘bingo wings’ – Those upper arm flaps of skin that only older ladies who play bingo should really have!

    They flap when you wave your arm in the air – Just like wings, only much less elegant…

  20. Amy Y Says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one with a chin hair ~:)

  21. Manic Mommy Says:

    How about when you go to get your eyebrows done and the very nice Vietnamese lady says “we do lips too?”. Awesome.

  22. Jennifer H Says:

    When I’m telling some story about playing poker, it’s always “some kid” who made a stupid play. And it always turns out he’s at least 25 or 30.

    Check, check, check all the others. And give me my walker back.

  23. Miss Grace Says:

    Shit. I’m only 26. And. Yeah. Why are you making me feel SO OLD??

  24. schmutzie Says:

    I am there, too. Twaddle and all.

  25. sadira Says:

    I was just complaining to someone the other day that I was going to have to download a TV show from iTunes to use a gift certificate I got for Christmas because “…I have no idea what happened to all the good musicians, but have you HEARD any good music lately? I mean…it all sounds the same to me when I turn on the radio…all mostly crap.” AND…I can not for the life of me figure out why people would want to pay “good money” for jeans with holes in them (oh dear…I can remember this argument back in the 80’s…)

  26. Merrily Says:

    I HATE the peeing thing…

  27. Jocelyn Says:

    What I love about you is that this list is so fresh, so true, so hell yea, baby.

  28. Erin Says:

    You lost me to the alarm! HA! Wtf was that? A burgler?
    OK, listen to me, one inch BLACK hair from neck. Did no one notice it GROWING there? Doodes!
    I’m so with you, Flutter.

  29. Maggie Says:

    shit i hit old several years ago then. sigh

    i hate those stupid chin hairs. I have one that grows in my mole on my face too. little buggers.

  30. Maggie Says:

    oh here’s another one for ya

    0. when you start considering buying a compilation set of CD’s from ‘your’ time like say the 80’s and 90’s. Ack.

  31. KC Says:

    I was just thinking I was old when I heard that Madonna is coming out with another greatest hits album. With what? I don’t register anything after Immaculate Conception.

  32. the mama bird diaries Says:

    Hilarious and true. I can’t believe that i know refer to people in their 20s as KIDs. Crazy.

  33. mrs.chicken Says:

    I am old.


  34. Cara Says:

    Honey, six of those apply to me. And while I don’t have a chin hair I do have an obscenely long side burn hair.

    I’m 24.

  35. Gypsy Says:


  36. Cara Says:

    And I call people I don’t know ‘honey’. A sure sign of being old.

  37. fancy feet Says:

    I hear you! I’m in my thirties and just the other day referred to someone in their twenties as a kid…what??
    It’s a sure sign my age is showing when some kid in their twenties calls me ma’am. MA’AM!! That just does my head in.

  38. fancy feet Says:

    ooops…that should say I, I referred to someone…

  39. J from ireland Says:

    God I am old, I can relate to almost all of the above(no chin hair yet, thank fuck)I suppose I am 35 though.

  40. Emily R Says:

    shit. 8 out of 10. and it would be 10 except i am so old that i don’t need an alarm clock to wake up.

  41. rubydoor Says:

    i think these are all things of *refinement*. i have a couple of years on you. ;)
    the knowledge we have at this age is blinding. or justice, perhaps?
    shank your spunk. you are one to be looked UP upon.

  42. rubydoor Says:

    lol. meant to say “SHAKE your spunk”
    is my slip showing? *blush*

  43. Tink Says:

    You’re not getting older. You’re getting more refined. ;)

  44. Angeline Says:

    *phew* I’ve got 3.5 out of 10, but I know I wouldn’t be too happy for long…

  45. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Says:

    This is no good.

    I am old.

    Son of a…

  46. MamaGeek Says:

    A-freaking-men. Not only do teens annoy you, but so does the general population.

  47. Joanna Jenkins Says:

    Great! More things to look forward to. And I thought menopause was bad, oh wait– you were talking about menopause, weren’t you?

  48. Lisa b Says:

    are you talkin bout me?

  49. Denguy Says:

    What are you twaddling about?

  50. Kelly Says:

    Honey, try chin AND neck hairs. Seriously, I love being Italian and all, but this is out of control. Also, yes to just about everything else, including the restaurant thing, because now people have to talk on their cell phones about something that just can’t wait, clearly, when I’m just trying to enjoy shoveling a yellowtail roll into my mouth in some semblance of peace.

    There. The end.

  51. Fran Says:

    OMG I’m ROFLMAO! WTF? I’m not old! OK, I am. But I’m not alone!! Just the “meant to say’s” were enough to get me giggling.

    Thank you, flutter, I so needed this at the end of a long, ass-whupping week.

  52. Beck Says:

    Chin hair is going to be all the rage any minute now. Just you wait. With the baby boomers getting all old and stuff, it will probably be MANDATORY.

  53. Kath Says:

    ummm, yeah. the other day I said the word “brassiere”. I am officially turning into my mother …

  54. Shawna Says:

    I didn’t feel like I had enough time to read all the comments, not that it matters anyway because clearly my mind is slipping and in a few minutes I won’t remember any of it anyway. Except for the vague feeling of being wholey amused. Thanks, it’s a warm fuzzy feeling. Hope it lasts all night.

  55. Coast Rat Says:

    Yeah, I can identify with several of these…

  56. Ms. Changes Pants While Driving Says:


    and i have like 8 hairs on my chinny chin chin. that grow at various speeds. so there’s always one poking out.

    i call 24 year old kids, kids. “but he’s just a kid!!”

    also?? what the EFF BOMB is happening to my heels? like, not my shoes. my feet. i’m growing CLAWS back here.

  57. A Free Man Says:

    I got about 6 of 10, so that must mean I’m only 60% old. Woo hoo!

  58. qt Says:

    Heh. Oooh man, I am ancient.

  59. Ann Says:

    Damn…I refuse to score myself. Damn chin hair.

  60. stefanie Says:

    mmm hmm.

  61. Laurie Cannon Says:

    hysterical and real
    you have-no-ARE-a gift

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