New Skin
I can’t tell you when I woke up and things were different. I can’t measure it in days or months. I can’t measure it in steps or inches. I can only say that one day, the divine sliced open a small hole in the clouds and let me wake up.
Without fear.
No fear of oil slicks of blood, cracked bones or bruises. No fear of death. No torn dresses or pregnancies that would later have to be stopped in their tracks. Instead, came this lightness of breath. Not a splitting fear pushed deep into my bones. Like the skin under the quick blister of molten wax on your flesh. As if I was simply waiting for the old to split open to reveal the new skin.
A scar, stronger than what was there before.
No longer innocent, no longer perfect. But alive. Vital. Real.
April 20th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
fuckin a.
April 20th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
It’s a process, this life.
April 20th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
oh, yay! yay! yay! i am wanting to jump up and down and hug you! yay!
April 21st, 2009 at 3:53 am
this is the best kind of momentum, my friend. much love. xo
April 21st, 2009 at 4:09 am
That’s the thing about scars. They are a reminder that healing is possible . . .
Good stuff, you sweaty thing . . .
April 21st, 2009 at 4:41 am
Powerfully stated. You are alive. Vital. Very, very real.
April 21st, 2009 at 5:20 am
Alive is good. Very good.
April 21st, 2009 at 5:41 am
Alive and better – wiser – than before.
xoxo
April 21st, 2009 at 6:46 am
Good. Very very good!!!
April 21st, 2009 at 7:31 am
So good for you! Now, go forth and multiply these good feelings. Your blog post is a great start!
April 21st, 2009 at 7:51 am
you and me both, babe
April 21st, 2009 at 7:57 am
((Hugs)) It happens…it’s a wonderous feeling of relief, to know your slowly moving forward and life is smiling down on you. I know that feeling intimately. (Hugs)Indigo
April 21st, 2009 at 8:53 am
oh flutter. {{hugs}}
April 21st, 2009 at 9:00 am
i love it.
April 21st, 2009 at 9:36 am
I have a poem that I am going to send you. I have held it close to me and willed this day for you. It has always been here waiting for you. Look for it in e-mail soon.
April 21st, 2009 at 10:00 am
this makes me happy
April 21st, 2009 at 10:14 am
Big hugs to you my dear
April 21st, 2009 at 10:20 am
this gave me a literary boner
April 21st, 2009 at 10:31 am
That makes me happy!
April 21st, 2009 at 10:38 am
Ahhh. Breathe deep and enjoy.
April 21st, 2009 at 12:19 pm
wax and wane baby. Isn’t it good to grab it while it’s there?
April 21st, 2009 at 2:47 pm
It always seem to be like that, just waking up one day.
I’m glad
April 21st, 2009 at 4:12 pm
So happy for you. Good for you woman!!
April 21st, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I’m not a particularly religious person but…a-freaking-men.
April 21st, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Hooray for you sweetie! You are a SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!
April 21st, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Oh man! As I read this, I felt myself take a deep breathe. Your words made me feel so light. I’m so happy for you.
April 21st, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Today? This day? yay~
April 21st, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Now this is a thing of beauty.
April 21st, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I know this feeling – we came about our scars in different ways, but they are still there. They just stop throbbing eventually.
Hugs to you, sister.
April 21st, 2009 at 8:18 pm
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}, my Lady!
April 21st, 2009 at 9:15 pm
You go, girl!
April 21st, 2009 at 9:16 pm
If you had been able to put your finger on an exact moment or event, I would trust it less. That it crept up, unawares, gradually, and accumulated into a feeling seems much more lasting and genuine.
April 21st, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Our Scars Make Us Stars!
April 22nd, 2009 at 7:08 am
Lovely as are you.
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 am
Powerful stuff.
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Skinny Dipping! Let go!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
well, that’s something, now, isn’t it.
April 22nd, 2009 at 7:56 pm
But you have friends to listen…
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:26 am
Just had to say, Fuckin’ a right!
April 23rd, 2009 at 11:49 am
It’s words like these that make me smile my friend.
Truly.
April 23rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Sometimes it feels so good to just be in your body finally…like, what have we been waiting for?!?!
April 23rd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
I like Krista’s ‘fucking a’ comment best, but suffice it to say that this post made me smile.
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:55 pm
How beautiful that it was an awakening in so many ways.
I am here smiling.
April 23rd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
It feels good to hear you’re feeling good.
April 24th, 2009 at 5:10 am
That’s just wonderful!
April 24th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Sometimes what you write makes me want to take your hand, smile and nod. There should be an emoticon for that.
April 25th, 2009 at 1:16 am
you are a butterfly – how lovely to read this!
April 25th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
This is so exciting. I’m so, so happy for you….
April 26th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Reading this is like seeing a rainbow after a bad storm. Love to you, and much happiness.
April 27th, 2009 at 4:20 am
See this is what I meant … that you are not only an amazing woman in your own right, but a signpost pointing the way to others who might be losing any sense of hope. Healing takes so many forms … takes people on very different journeys. I am more than pleased for you, I am inspired. xxJ
April 27th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Gorgeous as all fuck, girl.
April 27th, 2009 at 11:38 am
So beautiful. I’m so very pleased for you, you can’t imagine. xx
April 27th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
now THAT calls for a damn drink.
May 7th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
ummm, holy shit I just love this!
May 13th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Heyyyyyyyyyy
You know, I wrote countless poems and i mean countless. Days eternity went by and i wrote a storm into the tip of my pencil with braces along my arms fore my words send shock and terror into the eyes, hearts and minds of those who live whilst i write. An aura so strong that my life sucks its energy to consume yours, But in all my years of writing doom upon yours and others lips i have found a mistress of flutter who ripples my poems into an un-unique fury of godless waves. A match. Someone like me. A poem writer, a god, a being of divine light and wrecking sin. Oh woh is me to find a finding such as this, a women with talent such as mine… oh woh is me. Time is gone and never existed.. and now so i do not either.
End.
Inspired by flutter (time expands and new skin)
-Soleil W
May 13th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
i guess what im trying to save is. Bravo.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
i am waiting for this *OPENing*
counting on it.