No. Effing. Whey.
Day one, the great whey experiment.
Whey protein with soymilk in my passenger side seat? 1. flutter? 0.
*sigh*
Although, if I am telling the truth, this particular brand of whey tastes like shit. Scratch that, it tastes like the shit that shit eats to taste more like shit. In other words, it’s yucky. So, the fact that it flipped out of my hand and into the passenger seat when some douchebagalamadingdong cut me off on the freeway? Not such a huge loss.
Except.
There is always an exception.
It now smells as though hell has belched in my car. This stuff, which tasted like shit? Now smells like shit. Actually, this shit smells like the shit that the shit shat after eating the shit which makes it taste more like shit. Shit.
It is a crusty, hard, whey-stain.
Whey stain sounds pervy.
Oh and also? My tongue is now swollen, as well as the inside of my cheeks. So this shit tasting, shit smelling shit? I think I may be allergic to this shit. I wonder if my ass will break out if I sit on the passenger side.
June 13th, 2009 at 1:58 am
Yuck! Good luck getting rif of the smell.
June 13th, 2009 at 3:13 am
it is SO hard to get rid of any milky smell from a car – i say get it detailed if you can.
and dude, the bouncing out of the hand and onto the seat? that is a classic, kristen nerd accident. i’m really sorry this happened to you, but i’m glad to know that this shit happens to other people. sometimes you gotta wonder.
love you. xo
June 13th, 2009 at 5:12 am
No words
just a whole bunch of
ahahahhhhhhaaahhha
with you, not at you.
Frig, you’re funny!
Sorry bout the loss of your seat.
June 13th, 2009 at 5:57 am
From a certain perspective, it sort of looks like cowhide…too bad it apparently smells a bit like that, too (assuming a cow that doesn’t care for hygiene).
No whey!
June 13th, 2009 at 6:39 am
Oh no!
“douchebagalamadingdong” Hilarious!
June 13th, 2009 at 6:43 am
you slayed me with the ass-rash. Because, oh yeah, it’s gonna happen.
June 13th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Shit!
June 13th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Ewwwwwww. So sorry for you. Sour milky whey stinky stuff on a foam seat in the desert? Ewwwwwww.
June 13th, 2009 at 7:40 am
So, you gonna write a poems about turds and whey?
Actually, i think you just did.
June 13th, 2009 at 7:48 am
Oh, lord! Gross…I wish I could say I knew of a protein powder that tasted good (okay, decent) but in my experience, that isn’t possible. Blech!
June 13th, 2009 at 7:53 am
That looks like the stuff they use to put up posters. Should I mail you one of those pine tree shaped scentie thingys?
June 13th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Now, I can’t stop giggling at your title.
June 13th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Your ass is doomed!
Perhaps a visit to the local salvage yard for a replacement seat is in order. Or a Spongebob seat cover. And lots and lots . . . an assload . . . of Febreze . . .
Good luck!
June 13th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Yucky.
I don’t doubt that stuff tastes, smells and looks like shit.
I won’t ever be tempted.
June 13th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Aha, between the post and “no whey,” I’m dying here. Anything milky sucks. My whole freaking minivan would smell like hell if the baby just puked a little. Good luck.
June 13th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Yuck. Try something like Woolite Foaming Carpet Cleaner. (disclaimer, color test a spot unless your truly daring). I’ve used this in the past to clean automobile carpeting and upholstered automobile seats. Spray on, brush in, let dry then vacuum. It may take a couple of cleanings. You also might want to follow up with Fabreeze or some other brand of fabric freshener. I would still clean it first though, before using the Fabreeze.
June 13th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
June 13th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Ugh – keep the windows open if at all possible, and get your hands on one of those handheld carpet steamer/cleaner things. My SIL spilled milk in my Jeep about 2 years ago, and on a hot day… I can STILL smell it.
At least you didn’t have to finish drinking the shitty shit.
June 13th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
This post is whey above my head! There is no whey I would drink that stuff! If someone was sitting in the back seat when you sent that cup of stuff into the passenger seat, they would have said, “Whey to go, flutter!” I think though that there is a whey you can probably get the seat cleaned at a full-service car wash. They can probably make it all go awhey! If you can’t get it cleaned off, it will probably whey on your mind! About now, you probably wish I would go awhey! I can probably think of some other wheys to clutter up this comment, but I think the whey is clear for me to go on my whey now.
By the whey, true story, my deceased uncle used to sell huge whey processing plants, and was in the process of selling several to the Chinese, when he suffered a heart attack to died, whey, whey far awhey from his family, in China.
I’m done!
June 13th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I’m just glad you told me it did not come out of your body.
June 13th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
You need Smells Begone. It works pretty well. Quick thinking to get a pic of the spill!
June 13th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Oh, man. You might want to look into a new seat at your local salvage yard. That’s what I had to do when my cat peed all over the seat in my Escort. Cost only $40.
June 13th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Your life has suddenly become a Seinfeld episode.
June 14th, 2009 at 7:41 am
And this is how road rage starts!
Try scrubbing with baking soda water…..
June 14th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Sell the car. Trust me. You will be WHEY happier.
June 14th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Whey uncool, dude.
I’m sorry, the words just seemed to type themselves. Hey, have you noticed that I’n *not* in AZ this weekend?!?
June 14th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
That is the suck.
But Windex, paper towels and blotting should get it up. Windex got blackberry stains out of my daughters’ off – white carpet. Seriously. It’s the shizz.
June 14th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
My kid lost a bottle under the seat of our car. We did not know. For several weeks. In the middle of the Australian summer. Our car still smells a little bit like blue cheese that’s been rotting for several years. I imagine that’s what your car smells like right now.
June 14th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
oh gross…yeah, not much worse (maybe kid vomit?) than spilled milk – soy or cow – spilled in a car.
I really hope the smell comes out for you! Good luck!
June 14th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
I’m sorry about the whey.
Just so you feel better: dry, crusty kefir is worse.
I speak from experience.
(And don’t put your ass on it either.)
June 14th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
No way of knowing unless you try it! A friend of mine spilled her super gienormous latte on my car carpet [car-pet?] and they spoiled milk smell NEVER WENT AWAY> Thought I might just have to kill her.
June 14th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
holy shit.
June 15th, 2009 at 4:09 am
oh shit- that was damn funny.
June 15th, 2009 at 4:44 am
I hope your car has air conditioning. I can not imagine that smell in the heat. Woa……
June 15th, 2009 at 6:26 am
YOu are crazy as hell! I love it!
I am severely allergic to milk protein…whey! I would have died…like the wicked witch of the west (when Dortorthy poured water on her) if I was sitting in the passenger seat and you tossed whey on me…LOL!
Whew!
Go have your car detailed.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:23 am
Hugs, sister.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Yuck.
I still remember my grandmother’s lemon yellow boat of a car, lemon yellow with black vinyl seats and black carpeting, and that it smelled like sour milk FOREVER after she spilled a gallon of milk in the back. I believe that “hell has belched” is what her car smelled like too.
I hope it passes well and soon.
June 15th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
You crack me up! Whey to go. (sorry, couldn’t resist).
June 15th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Oh no!! Not in the car!! Cars that hold smells like nothing else does. Boo. I’m sorry.
June 16th, 2009 at 6:41 am
I find the vanilla flavored shit powder slightly more palatable. Still disgusting, but slightly less so. That said, I decided that if this crap caused me to lose a pound a day, I would remain fat and happy. Who the hell decided it would be a good idea to ingest this stuff?
June 17th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Fabreeze. all the way. trust me.
June 17th, 2009 at 11:33 am
That smell’s easy to get out! Just buy a new car!
June 17th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Ugh god, whey protein is terrible. If you must eat it, try strawberry flavor with a banana blended in. Makes it a bit more palatable. Doesn’t do anything for the protein shake farts, though.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Ugh. Pay the money andhave it professionally cleaned – its nearly as bad as baby formuila… nearly.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Ugh. Pay the money and have it professionally cleaned – its nearly as bad as baby formula… nearly.
June 19th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
damn girl, are you still cleaning??????
June 19th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
hahahahahahahahaha.
(Sorry that sucks.)
June 20th, 2009 at 6:54 am
This is a HUGE, HUGE disasterific tragedy. It’s not even my fiasco and yet… I’m freaking out on your behalf because I know what it’s like to have rotting organic matter spilled in your car. It’s bad beyond bad.
We recently had a MINOR incident involving some beef broth and the car smelled like a squiddy San Francisco shoreline for days. I’d drive down the road gagging. Nice.
June 20th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Keep your ass AWAY from that passenger seat!!
June 22nd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Oh my god. I’m not even sure I know what whey is. Doesn’t it have something to do with curds? I don’t want to know.
June 22nd, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Holyfuckingmotherofgod I am laughing, I am laughing like I haven’t laughed in a long, long time.
This makes picking a sequin out of Avery’s impossibly cute ass cheeks seem, well, like a reason for us to sit for hours and hours and talk of common catastrophes in our lives.
LOVE YOU
June 24th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Awwww shit!