These bones
I went to pack up some things in our apartment today and was struck when I walked through the door. The long staircase leading up to the main level, felt cold. Every step I climbed in what was our home seemed mute.
Our smell has left. No scent of spicy candles or the expressly masculine notes of Clay’s cologne. Although we still have things left within those walls, our presence is notably absent. The laughter that we share so quickly with each other seems as though it has never touched that place. The calcium of its structure seems to be leeching away, still standing, but hollow as a dead saguaro.
When we walked into our house the first time, I felt a gravitational pull. The floors of this beautiful home pulled at my marrow, begging me. I could feel the absence of life here, amidst the green plants. Amidst the dust floating across the surface. This house begged for life as if dying. Our decision to be here grafted the bone. We give this place life.
I drive down different streets, eyes taking in the signs of houses, bursting with energy. People and animals and memories wrapping themselves around the walls. These things are load bearing. I drive down these streets and feel a longing that is being fulfilled. From our house, to us. From us to our home. From me, years of sadness becoming driftwood as I press that gas pedal and proceed forward. To him. To this life we’ve created. To home.
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November 27th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
This makes me so, so happy for you.
November 27th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Ah home. There’s nothing like it once you find it. So thrilled for you.
November 27th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
like the lovely lady once said, “there’s no place like home…”
i am so thrilled for you, christine. xoxo
November 27th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
This is exactly what you deserve.
November 27th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
How wonderful that you are making a home together. I’m so happy for you both.
November 28th, 2009 at 4:37 am
congratulations dear flutter, there really is no place like home. xo
November 28th, 2009 at 7:36 am
I am so excited for what lies ahead. Beautiful!
November 28th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Congratulations on the new home. A blessing for your new home.
God’s blessing rest upon this house
And all who dwell within;
May all who enter, too, be blessed,
Traveler, friend, or kin.
Enrich this home with happiness,
Good fellowship and cheer.
The comfort of His presence rest
On all who sojourn here.
“A Home Blessing” — Submitted by W Tomlinson
November 28th, 2009 at 11:47 am
i just glanced up and looked down the hall to see the sunlight dancing in my daughter’s room. and i thought about last year and how we lived in a horrible, unsafe neighborhood full of hopelessness and too many people sharing the same space. i wanted a home. not just a place to live.
we finally have that.
then i looked back down the computer, opened google reader and came here.
serendipity.
November 28th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Love it. I’m so happy for the both of you!!!
November 28th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I’ve always marveled at how quickly my old apartments become just an empty space when divested of the objects and people and memories that made them more than that. And conversely, how quickly an empty barren space becomes a warm enfolding home when its people are safely ensconced and making new memories. I am so happy for you.
November 28th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
The notion of “home” is a continual evolution. Congratulations.
November 28th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
sadness as driftwood. that will stay with me.
November 28th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
It’s funny, isn’t it, how homes draw us, and at times, release us. Ours called us. Called me. And in time its strapping is pinging away. But it is just a language. It is not its forever life. It will come alive again and call someone new.
xo
erin
November 28th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
When I was 24, my parents sold and moved from my childhood home. I was bereft and betrayed–that they had sold the place on the planet where I felt most at home!!. But then I went into the new house and realized “home” was where my parents were. Home is that business about where the people you love are.
I know it’s all sappy, but, hell, girl, if you’re moving into your new Love Shack, you gotta be feelin’ it!
November 29th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Saying hello to your new life. How amazing.
November 29th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
My most sincere congratulations, which you already know.
I’ve felt that way twice in my life; I still worry for the birds that I fed years ago and find comfort only in the completely deranged thought that they’ve made their way here, to me.
November 29th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
You are lucky. You know that right?
November 29th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
a house? you bought a house! yippee! congrats!
November 30th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Congratulations, you guys! I felt that same way when I walked in to this house for the first time…I felt like I was at home. HOME. Truly home.
November 30th, 2009 at 8:24 am
welcome home……
November 30th, 2009 at 10:52 am
A house’s soul resides in it’s people (or person) – I hope your lo one gets a nice new person.
November 30th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
I’m happy for you and your guy in your new house.
November 30th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Welcome home…just in time to breathe life into the holidays. Celebrate and enjoy!
November 30th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
May your new house be everything you deserve and more — a happy, hopeful home indeed.
November 30th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
What Beej said. Congratulations!!!!!!!
December 1st, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Enjoy! Enjoy your new home…
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I’m so happy for you guys. Enjoy the new view . . .
December 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am
So, you left your home to go home?
December 4th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Yes, YEs, YES!!!
December 5th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
your amazing. I´ve had just these thoughts these days too you know. you said it so well.
December 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am
How wonderful.
December 6th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Congratulations on your new home.
December 8th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
beautiful! wonderful! congratulations!
Home is a glorious and comforting place to find. Moving forward, embracing change – great places to be going.
December 10th, 2009 at 7:40 am
I’m so happy for you, my friend. Truly. It’s SO deserved. And as silly as it sounds, it’s true;
“Home Is Where The Heart Is…”
And it sounds like “Heart Is Where The Home Is too…”
December 10th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
This is gorgeous. What you said about scent really struck me. There are times we return from a trip to house that had been holding it’s breath, and I don’t always appreciate the aroma that greats us. Dirty dishes forgotten in the sink, a stinky dog dish or a garbage un-emptied. But you’re right, that it’s the mingling of these smells (good or bad) that give each home its own signature scent.
Best to you with your new home.
December 10th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
you forgot to mention how Mom left her presence on the walls as well.. lol =)
December 25th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
wonderful.
January 11th, 2010 at 5:34 pm
I’m reading backwards, but it sounds like good things.