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It’s a funny thing, fear.  How it carries its weight in the front, all big barrel chest and booming voice. But, if you kick it in the rear how it would tumble ass over tea kettle.

Bravery is its own structure, heavier in the rear, quieter upon approach. It has a low center of gravity and a sturdy stance. You can overlook it if you aren’t paying attention, because fear always causes a commotion. Bravery stands quietly in the winds of conviction. Fear throws the cows and the trashcans and old Buicks in the storm. Bravery cleans the mess, rearranges the front yard and carefully fixes the broken windows.

I am working on my bravery.

For all of these years, I have been ruled by the loudest voice in my head. The one that hair-triggers my emotions and calls out to me embroider my same old patterns with my same old thread. I’ve been weaving this fabric for 18 years, now. Seems I would notice that it has fallen out of fashion. But, I’ve been too busy watching the storm to consider the rain.

I want to be fearlessly, relentlessly present. To appreciate that I will never stand in this space in exactly this same way ever again. Not tomorrow. Not ever. I want to feel the air move against my skin and know that I am meant to be here in this place. As I stand, right now. I am not a mistake. I am not something which was overlooked by a careless fate, rather I am on purpose. Purposeful.

Courage, purpose, presence. A mantra of simplicity which is endless in complexity.

44 Responses to “”

  1. Irish Gumbo Says:

    Truly simply things do seem to have complexity for their substructures. It only looks simple…

    A worthy mantra. I need to carry that with me these days. Power!

  2. kristen Says:

    i’m so proud of you my friend, truly. the work you’ve been doing since we first met…i’m beaming a big smile your way.

    this is such a meaningful post and it can apply to so much of my life. It’s the weary story that was woven so tightly in a cocoon that has been the most important thing to work through for me…slowly, slowly, it’s unraveling.

    love. xx

  3. Maria Says:

    You are sooo purposeful. I’m glad you are realizing that.

  4. Jaded Says:

    Threadbare fabrics have a soft, comfortable reassurance to them, They feel and smell familiar making it easy to hold onto them longer.

  5. lu Says:

    Rock Star!

  6. sophanne Says:

    ass over teacups! My neighbor says “cats over tin cans.”

    This is the second post I’ve read today about just being. I think it bodes well for the universe.

  7. Miss Grace Says:

    I think you’re very brave.

  8. joker the lurcher Says:

    i’m going to send this to my friend – we have been talking a lot about fear lately. hugs.

  9. SoccerMom Says:

    Wonderfly written. I am also ruled by fear. I didn’t start out this way, but because of circumstances not within my control, I am fearfull from the moment I wake till the moment my eyes shut.

  10. SukiWuki Says:

    Someone I trust once said to me that I was ‘defined by fear’. That accusation rolled round my head since it was said – 18 months ago. But I now realise that the cruelty was in saying it, not saying something that was not true. And it was (and still often is true – for me). But recently I have begun to see Fear as just a player on the stage. A bit part. Poor old Fear has only the one, rather uninspired, line : ‘You are no good, and because of that you are going to pay for it’. But I am beginning to learn and to work with the fact that I am directing this particular play, and although Fear is probably going to be part of the cast (even Fear has its uses), what Fear needs is acknowedgement, like some precocious and insecure child, wizened, shrunken and unhappy. So I acknowledge Fear. ‘Hello Fear – don’t worry I know you’re here if I need you, but for the moment, you can just sit this scene out. I’ll come back to you later’. Then I get on with the rest of the play. And the other characters. And the plot. And things are – better. You are not alone x

  11. meno Says:

    It’s always worth asking yourself what would the brave you do. Makes the fear you easier to handle.

    My fear annoys me when i have time to look back at it. At the time it just takes over and rules the action.

  12. erin Says:

    Oh, wow, on purpose. That’s big. I’m glad for you, Christine. You are resolute, as you should be. ON purpose. Holy holy. That has volumes in it. I wonder on my purpose. I’m not fearful but as of late, purposefulness – that has me thinking. Certainly kicking fear in the ass is a very good thing. You’re on your way.


  13. Sybil Law Says:

    You have nothing to fear but fear itself” is annoying, but so, so true.
    You own this world. Make it your bitch.

  14. Painted Maypole Says:

    on purpose.

    YOU are, indeed, on purpose.


  15. Fran Says:


  16. Kat Says:

    Rock on, purposeful one.

  17. Neil Says:

    I think you know your purpose. You are just afraid of it.

  18. Jocelyn Says:

    I’m glad you’re writing it out. There’s something transformative about articulating those thoughts, about putting desire and hope into words like this. Once they’re externalized, you can reach out and grab at them and turn them into truisms.

  19. Gwen Says:

    Hey, didn’t Maggie errr Brenda just say this same thing about bravery? Great minds and all that.

  20. Kyla Says:

    I love this, Flutter.

  21. sam {temptingmama} Says:

    *hugs* Just *hugs*

    I love you so.

  22. sadira Says:

    Oh fear. I have started a little “program” to help sit with the fear.

    (I had to put “sit with” because when I tried to type “face the” I got all anxious. sigh.)

  23. nicole Says:

    i recommend ‘on fear’ by Krishnamurti. he was an amazing human. good stuff to think about.

  24. Slow Panic Says:

    “I want to be fearlessly, relentlessly present” Amen to that.

  25. Orangeblossoms Says:

    Oh my god…. I feel like I am l living some kind of amazing parallel universe. I want to be in this universe, the one that you write. I love this.

  26. Yo is Me Says:

    i want to HUG you.

  27. shaniqua the pizza flinger Says:

    you are totally on purpose. also, i was reading today that whenever the doubt, fear, stuff, STUFF comes blowing in, you just might consider pausing and saying, “thinking.” all of this stuff is thinking–the spiral, the fury, the dust-up. you know you’re close when the stuff kicks up.

  28. Lisa b Says:


  29. Bejewell Says:

    Open your mouth and let out a very purposeful YAWP. You know you’ve got it in you.

    (that’s what she said)

    (god I have issues)

  30. lizzy Says:

    Hi sweetie. I’m reading a very good book right now, “The Places that Scare You” by Pema Chodron. It’s about becoming a warrior.

  31. domestic Extraordinaire Says:

    With this attitude I am sure you will overcome your fear.


  32. amy2boys Says:

    Channel yourself some Joan of Arc. Wield your life.

  33. hele Says:

    “I’ve been too busy watching the storm to consider the rain.” my sister you know.

  34. andrea frazer Says:

    Oh, yes, fear. I’m familiar with it.

  35. the mama bird diaries Says:

    I feel like the older I get, the less brave i get. I hate it. I used to be so courageous.

    I vow to be more brave!

  36. Dana Says:

    ME TOO! Oh I love this… love this… love this!

  37. Kelly Says:

    Purposeful is such a good thing to be. But hard!

  38. breeze Says:

    just what i needed to read…i love how you are a mirror for so many…reflecting our eternities.

  39. A Free Man Says:

    For me, bravery is the absence of fear. So i’ve been trying to slay fear. Not an easy job, wishing you the best in that fight.

  40. vodkamom Says:

    It’s interesting how we change with each passing day. I am so loving your changes, and am inspired at the same time.


  41. slouchy Says:

    i am hoping for all these things for you. i expect them, too. if not tomorrow, then the next day. xox

  42. JCK Says:

    Courage. Purpose. Presence. I love these 3 words. And together. Sitting here applauding!

    …sorry I’ve been so scarce here.

  43. Cat Says:

    I have read much of you and happen to know you have your dose as well as extra of the bravery and courage taht sits waiting for you to call, like a loyal canine. You my friend are braver than most, I do hope you know that.

    Fear i have found can and will take over if you allow it in, even for a moment, it will lead you to despair every time.

  44. cathy Says:

    That is an awesome piece. I”d wish that I had written it,but I’m glad that you did. You have come so far lady. Love you.

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